1.
[normal life] ive worn the same shirt everyday for a week [packing for vacation] hmmm. i'll prob change a few times a day so thats…32 shirts
2.
Do I just call you or should we resolve this quickly with 200 text messages?
3.
I love how companies advertise "No Payments Until 2018" like I'm going to have extra money in two years.
4.
Hey people who have to taste ice cream before they buy it, here's a tip. It's good. It's all fucking good.
5.
1. Wear Fitbit 2. Pack gym clothes 3. Pack salad 4. Go to work 5. Eat donut 6. Go out for lunch 7. Skip gym Rinse and Repeat.
6.
*At work for 20 minutes* "OMG this day is dragging."
7.
Have a crush on someone? Throw your phone away!
8.
"Shhh!" - me, drunk, to the pots and pans that just fell out of the cabinet
9.
*opens recipe* "1. preheat oven to--" *closes recipe*
10.
I'm just a girl, standing in front of a self-checkout, screaming that there's no unexpected item in the bagging area.
11.
Ever think you know where everything goes in the kitchen but then learn you don’t know the difference between a strainer and a colander?
12.
[I send a message] Lol I am so funny and clever [45 seconds without response] God dammit what have I done?
13.
Remember when you'd be staying at a friend's house & you'd wake up before them & wouldn't know what to do? That's how my whole life feels
14.
Just walked by the place I had brunch last weekend and one of my friends is still sitting there talking about herself
15.
[6:00pm] i will not snack tonight i will not snack tonight i will not snack tonight [11:00pm] yay i did it! [11:01pm] *preheats oven*
16.
when someone is looking for something i help by saying "it's gotta be around here somewhere"
17.
*sees baby* *crouches down, does some cute baby talk* *no reaction from baby* *stands up slowly* You've made a powerful enemy today, baby
18.
[7:00 AM in bed] *closes eyes for a bit* *Opens eyes* 8:15am Oh hell [1:00pm @ work] *closes eyes for a bit* *Opens eyes* 12:55pm WTF
19.
Me: I'd invite you in but my place is a mess Friend: That's OK. I don't mind M: The mess tho F: Don't be silly M: I don't want u in my house