19 Things You'll Only Understand If You Can't Ride A Bike
Why aren't training wheels cool anymore?
1. You're not ashamed to admit you don't know how to ride a bike.
2. Because maybe you were busy doing other shit growing up.
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Maybe you were too busy reading the works of Keats instead of being out on the streets.
3. Or maybe it's because there was only one bike you truly loved, that you truly trusted. And after it died, well, you never rode again.
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Yes I know that was oddly specific.
4. If you did have a bike growing up, you only ever experienced the joy of training wheels.
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Why aren't training wheels still cool guys?
5. But since they don't make adult bikes with training wheels you often fantasise about owning a tricycle.
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It doesn't look that different! Look it has a nice big basket for your shopping!
6. However, deep down you know that people would just laugh at you if you rode anything other than a 2-wheeler bike.
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People are so cruel if you like more than two wheels.
7. You get completely dumbfounded when you see tiny children riding proper bikes with such reckless abandon.
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HOW ARE YOU SO FEARLESS CHILDREN?
8. Because you're a little bit nervous about riding a bike without training wheels now that you're an adult.
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You fear more as you get older! It's a fact! The world is hard! It's cruel!
9. Whenever it comes out that you can't ride a bike, people never quite believe you.
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10. So you have to be all like: "HAAA! NO IT'S TRUE!"
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11. But yet somehow it still doesn't compute.
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12. So you have to be like: "I KNOW RIGHT? CRAZY?!"
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And the process repeats until one of you dies.
13. People love to poke fun at you for your lack of bike skills.
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Amongst others.
14. And sometimes you do get embarrassed.
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15. Because you want to go mountain biking, or cycling in the forest just like everyone else, and you know you can't.
16. And you know that riding a bike is often the best way to explore a new city and you're missing out on this.
17. So when a friend has offered, you've considered letting them teach you how to ride a bike.
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18. Besides, how hard could it really be?
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19. Maybe you'll finally discover the pure joy of bike-riding.
20. Or maybe you'll just come to accept that it just isn't for you.
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The bike can take a hike.
21. Because after all, you've got plenty of other useful skills.
And this is why I believe I should be the next president of the United States of America.
So who cares if you can't ride a bike?