Buzz·Posted on 8 Apr 2015What I Learned From Quitting My Job And Starting OverI doubted everything, but that was OK.by Remee PatelBuzzFeed StaffFacebookPinterestTwitterMailLink After almost four years in the same career, I decided to quit my job. Tap to play GIF Tap to play GIF Fox / Via tumblr.com I had actually been wanting to quit since the first year. Tap to play GIF Tap to play GIF MTV / Via goodbooksandgoodwine.com Like most people graduating in the wake of the late '00s economic crash, I felt grateful I had managed to get a job, even if its connection to my preferred industry was a little tenuous. But even so, I didn’t expect making the decision to quit to be so difficult. Tap to play GIF Tap to play GIF ABC / Via imgarcade.com At first, wanting to quit felt ungrateful. And after a while I was flooded with new fears and doubts. Would it be the right thing to do? Am I "giving up" if I quit? Is it too late to start something new? And the longer I thought about it, the older I was becoming. Tap to play GIF Tap to play GIF VH1 / Via realitytvgifs.tumblr.com Twenty-seven is by no means old, but when you've dedicated some of your most formative years to a career, starting again can feel like you're racing against time. I didn't know what I wanted more: money or to enjoy my job. Tap to play GIF Tap to play GIF youtube.com / Via tumblr.com A new career involved financial sacrifice, a sacrifice I wasn't sure I was ready to make. Would I be potentially trading in one problem for another? And I was already so comfortable in my current role. Tap to play GIF Tap to play GIF NBC / Via giphy.com I had built a solid reputation, I knew my job pretty well, and I was comfortable with colleagues and clients alike, so why would I trade it all for the dark unknown? But being stagnant was secretly damaging my self-confidence. Tap to play GIF Tap to play GIF Fox / Via fanpop.com I felt so trapped by my own situation that I didn't want to risk trying something else. Starting a new career wouldn't be just a risk for financial reasons. What if I wasn't good enough at other things to warrant a new career? What if I couldn't do anything else? So one day I just decided I couldn't lie to myself any longer. Tap to play GIF Tap to play GIF Fox 2000 Pictures / Via giphy.com If it was possible to love your job and eventually earn a decent wage, wouldn't it be worth it? Tap to play GIF Tap to play GIF NBC / Via collegehumor.com Once I was ready to quit, I started worrying about how other people would react. Especially my mother. Fox My brother had already set a precedent by working for a merchant bank for over a decade. This, coupled with my Indian mother's inherent thinking that money = success, made me anxious about being viewed as a failure. To my surprise, she was the most supportive of all. Tap to play GIF Tap to play GIF Disney / Via mumsnet.com After I burst into tears one day, she said the only thing I ever really needed to hear, from the only person I needed it to hear it from:"Nothing is worth you feeling like this. Quit your job, quit it now and go do whatever it is that you want. Try something, anything, just don't try to make this work. I will support you, whatever it takes." Heeding her advice, I decided to change careers entirely and start from scratch. Tap to play GIF Tap to play GIF NBC / Via grammarly.com Even though this frightened the hell out of me, I was lucky enough to be in a position where it was actually feasible. I didn't have any kids or anyone reliant on me, I didn't have a mortgage to pay, and I had a mother ready to open her home to me once more so I didn't have to live on beans on toast in order to afford my rent. I cannot stress enough how fortunate I was to have the support system in place that many people unfortunately don't. The thing is, I didn’t want to quit without knowing exactly what I was going to do next. Tap to play GIF Tap to play GIF NBC / Via imgarcade.com Not everyone has that lightbulb moment where they know exactly what they're destined to do. For me and I'm sure many others, I could imagine myself doing a variety of things with no distinct direction or strong inclination. I was sure about one thing, however – that I was definitely not happy in my current role – and that was a good enough starting point. To throw a spanner in the works, I was just about to be promoted. Tap to play GIF Tap to play GIF AMC / Via forums.archeagegame.com And instead of being happy after working so hard for it, I just felt more trapped. When I no longer wanted what I had wanted for so long, I realised money didn't mean shit. Tap to play GIF Tap to play GIF Comedy Central / Via southparkdigital.tumblr.com Money can only tide you over for so long before that deep sense of dissatisfaction comes creeping to the surface again. Don't get me wrong, money is important, but it's not everything and it certainly won't fill that void. So with this revelation in mind, I applied for an internship. Tap to play GIF Tap to play GIF Twentieth Century Fox / Via prdaily.com After figuring out what I enjoyed doing the most (which is always a good place to start, even if you're not sure what the specific job would be) I found a way to enter the industry of my choice – an internship. This route worried me for several reasons, the most trivial of which was that I would no doubt be working with people fresh out of university. Would I be too old? Would I look silly? Instead of allowing these unhelpful feelings to engulf me, I saw the internship as a do-over, an opportunity to start again – on my terms. Handing in my resignation was one of the few times in my life I was completely sure of myself. Tap to play GIF Tap to play GIF NBC / Via imgbuddy.com After grappling with my confidence for so long, it felt good to do something I just knew was right, irrespective of the future being completely unknown. Placing that letter in front of me and sliding it over to my boss was a moment I will probably never forget. So I revelled in my win and rehearsed all the different ways I might make my grand exit. Tap to play GIF Tap to play GIF Walt Disney / Via giphy.com Tap to play GIF Tap to play GIF Warner Bros / Via giphy.com Tap to play GIF Tap to play GIF Channel 4 / Via tumblr.com And imagined how my colleagues of many years might react. Tap to play GIF Tap to play GIF TriStar Pictures / Via runningoffthereeses.com Tap to play GIF Tap to play GIF MTV / Via tumblr.com Tap to play GIF Tap to play GIF HBO / Via headoverfeels.com But in reality, it was all a bit underwhelming. Tap to play GIF Tap to play GIF Fox / Via giphy.com I counted on feeling a lot of things, but I never really imagined feeling so sad. A chapter of my life was over, and, worst of all, people didn't really seem to care that much. I was just another leaving do, a great one, a fun one, but ultimately just another person moving on. What I was left with was the stark reality that I didn't really know what the hell I was doing. knowyourmeme.com Quitting was liberating and scary in equal measure. I was out of my comfort zone, shitting myself but excited to be doing something new. Sometimes you just have to say "fuck it" and go for something without worrying about whether it works out or not. It can feel scary not knowing what to do, or what's the "right" thing to do, but the key is to just do something. But actually that was OK because I was working towards something – a better me. Tap to play GIF Tap to play GIF NBC / Via guff.com The biggest thing I realised when I quit my job was that I had been lying to myself for so long. I knew I was unsatisfied and unhappy, but I would make excuses and convince myself that I was doing enough to change my life. I'm starting to learn that motion is probably the real key to success. That whether you make a good move or a bad one, it's important that you just move. And if my new venture doesn't work out, I have the balls to try again. Tap to play GIF Tap to play GIF Blackground Entertainment / Via aramatheydidnt.livejournal.com I don't know what the future holds for me, how long I will stay in my new career, whether I'll actually be successful. What I do know is that for now, I'm happy I'm trying something new, excited about coming into work every day, and feeling driven to try my best. If it doesn't work out, well, at least I know I have the courage to try again. Because I've now learned what I needed to learn this entire time. Tap to play GIF Tap to play GIF Dreamworks / Via makeurmamaproud0909.blogspot.co.uk That I will make it in whatever it is I want to do – I just need to keep trying, keep moving, keep believing in myself. The biggest mistake I’ve made is that I lied to myself and held myself back. I was my own worst enemy, my biggest obstacle. Not any more.