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61 Thoughts Everyone Has When Going For A Poo At The Office

Why is taking a shit at work such a pain in the arse?

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1. It's that time again.

2. 10.15am like clockwork, baby.

3. Shit, the disabled loo is engaged.

4. Gonna have to do this in the main toilets.

5. Maybe no one will be in there.

6. Oh, hi Lesley.

7. Nothing to see here, Lesley, just trying to take a massive dump without the whole office knowing, you?

8. Please leave, Lesley.

9. Please leave so I can poo in peace.

10. Right, first things first, let's load the toilet bowl with tissue.

11. Gotta muffle that dreaded plop sound.

12. Multiple plop sounds.

13. Really shouldn't have had two coffees.

14. Oh god, who is that? Why are more people coming in?


16. God, they are just chatting away.

17. Shit, accidental fart.

18. Did they hear?

19. They didn't hear.

20. Did they hear?

21. They didn't hear.

22. Holding this in cannot be good for me.

23. I'll wait for the hand dryer to come on and then get this monster out ASAP.

24. Why does taking a shit have to be such a pain in the arse?

25. Like, it's funny how the sound of piss is perfectly tolerable.

26. But the poo, the poo is taboo.

27. Still no hand dryer, they must have used paper towels.

28. Inconsiderate towards me and the environment.

29. If I cough and make a lot of noise pulling out toilet paper, maybe that will cover up my pooing.

30. Hmm, obvious maybe? Although not as obvious as just dropping a massive deuce.

31. Why are the gaps in toilet doors so big.

32. I live in fear of making eye contact in the mirror.

33. Hello CEO, trusty employee here, just taking a 10-minute shit.

34. You are literally paying me to poo right now.

35. Thank god I've brought my phone.

36. Ugh, can't believe Jason and Nina have had a baby, vom.

37. I think everyone's gone. GO GO GO!

38. Ugh, now someone else is in the loo next to me.

39. Why can't people just let other people shit.

40. Was that a plop I heard?

41. Are they shitting without giving a shit?

42. Well if they don't care, I don't care.

43. Just two colleagues shitting together without a care in the world.

44. This is what they call synergy.

45. If I get out now, maybe I will meet this new best friend of mine.

46. Great shit, buddy, how was yours? Fantastic mate, solid 8/10.

47. The dream.

48. They've gone, they've dumped and dashed.

49. Mad respect.

50. I'd better leave too, before anyone can put a face to the poo.

51. OK, coast is clear, no one else is in here I think.


53. Your bladder is weak? Sure, Lesley, sure.

54. No, Lesley, um, don't go in that one, Lesley.

55. Oh god, you're going in there, aren't you?

56. Sorry, Lesley.

57. I know, I'm an animal.

58. Quick, act cool and just saunter over to your desk like nothing happened.

59. You were just having a chat in the loo with Lesley.

60. No one can possibly prove you just went for a giant poo.

61. A giant, smelly poo.