31 Ways To Be A Chill Girl
Watch each season of The Wire three times.
1. Try not to put too much effort in the way that you look, you want to keep it natural.
2. But also look completely flawless – this bit is key!!
3. So spend hundreds on makeup that is completely undetectable to the human eye.
4. And spend hours styling your hair and then messing it all up again for that "just got out of bed look".
5. This way you can tell people you just sort of "wake up this way".
6. Spend three grand on laser treatments so that you can tell people you're naturally hairless "down there".
7. And always wear a leather jacket, whether it be the height of winter or summer.
8. Watch every season of The Wire three times.
9. And make sure to tell people that haven't seen it, to "give it time" if they don't understand the first episode.
10. Learn the names of random sports teams so it looks like you know about sports.
11. But don't actually know anything about sports so that men can have the joy of explaining them to you.
12. Ensure that once they're finished explaining, that you say "Oh I still don't get it!"
13. Make sure everyone knows you can pay your own way, particularly on dates – you're an independent woman!
14. But do not mention feminism! You don't want to scare off good men!
15. Make sure to express your sexuality in a subtle and very laid-back way.
16. A gentle slip of your T-shirt on your shoulder revealing your bright pink bra strap, is just enough.
17. And make sure you're super cool with casual sex, even if you're falling for them.
18. You don't want to scare them off by asking them to spend actual time with you, you silly woman!
19. If someone is very late every time you meet them, don't make a big deal out of it. Take up a hobby to pass the time instead.
20. Like knitting! That way after a year you can give them a nice, bobbly hat that says "Great but always late".
21. If you're going on a date with a guy, remember – wearing a bodycon dress and eating burgers is the sexiest combination.
22. And you'll want to retain an element of mystery, so make sure you say "Or am I ...?" after every sentence.
23. It doesn't matter if "I really want to see Harry Potter and The Cursed Child...or am I...?" doesn't make any sense, that's part of the allure.
24. Because being confusing is hot. Being upfront is not.
25. And if something goes wrong at work DO NOT CRY UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.
26. Instead, aggressively type "ARGHH' on your keyboard over and over and again until Karen comes over to ask you if you're ok.
27. When she does, just say you spilled maple syrup on your keyboard and it's made the keys extra sticky.
28. Keep maple syrup at your desk at all times to keep up this ruse.
29. Because the real key to being a chill girl is to not have any of those girly emotions.
30. If Eric's grandma dies, just say "we will all die soon" and then give him a firm handshake.
31. That is what a chill girl would do.