1.
I talk a lot of shit for someone who can’t put her panties on without falling over.
2.
I don't have a resting bitch face. My bitch face is always on duty, ever vigilant. My bitch face will rest when its work is done.
3.
Do women who fight over boys not know about throwing them over a cliff & then splitting a bottle of wine?
4.
attention men: pls stop telling us you want to go down on us for "hours". thats way too long. we have stuff to do. i've got a lasagne cookin
5.
"feminism is a cancer" he typed, vaping and chugging mountain dew "it's killing us men." The microwave dinged, his taquitos were ready
6.
The best way to get the woman of your dreams is to comment "gorgeous" on a minimum of 52 of her selfies.
7.
Send prayers & good wishes for the guy who tried to pick my pocket on the luas, took out a tampon, got mortified & tried to put it back.
8.
Enid Blyton knew
9.
[Changes Siri to male] ME: Siri, tell me the— MALE SIRI: Listen, here’s what you need to know. ME: I… MALE SIRI: Excuse me, I’m speaking
10.
"So You Were Trying to Be Polite But Now He Wants to Wear Your Skin As Pajamas: A Woman's Guide to the Internet"
11.
Whenever a woman tweets about feminism.
12.
One day I ran for a train & missed it.. An elderly wise Jamaican woman came to my side & Said: “Two tings you nah run for; trains & men.”
13.
to the man who slowed down n screamed "R U PROUD EVERYONE CAN SEE UR PUSSY" when I was biking in a dress: first of all, yes
14.
sometimes i'll say "oh yeah, this girl i know-" as if they're my actual friend rather than just another girl on twitter i revere from afar
15.
16.
You can’t jokingly roast women at all. They always get too personal. You say her head Big and she come back with how you work 13 hrs a week
17.
18.
Just sitting around being sacred today, as women do.
19.
Attention women on birth control: Schedule your period to come on October 31st. Then you can say you decorated your vagina for Halloween.