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14 Questions You Should Never Ask A Tamilian

"Can you teach me the lungi dance?" *RAGE*

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1. "Does it get boring eating idlis and dosas everyday?"

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*Licks thayir saadam dripping down arm* Nope, no complaints.

2. "So are you like a huuuuge Rajni fan?"

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Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Shit, sorry, what was the question? I fell asleep because of your boring-ass assumptions.

3. "Can you teach me how to tie a lungi?"

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Yes, yes, let me just whip out my handy portably pocket-lungi that I carry around for situations like this one.

4. "Oooooh or can you teach me the lungi dance??"

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Oh, that amazing dance invented by Bollywood in a movie full of grossly exaggerated stereotypes? Yes, I grew up doing it!

5. "Ooooh, you're Madrasi? Are you from Kerala?"

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Well, since Amma purchased every South Indian state and combined them all into one glob to make regional generalizations easier for North Indians, yes. *Throws geography textbook at your head*

6. "How come your English is so good?"

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See, shocking as it is, South India is a part of India so we were also colonized by the same... Never mind.

7. "Can you teach me something in Tamil?"

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Neengu oru dumbfuck.

8. "Are you a Tam-Brahm?"

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*Goes to Mylapore temple and prays for your enlightenment*

9. "Do you have to wear coconut oil?"

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Yes, by state mandate. Do you have to be ignorant?

10. "How come South Indians are darker?"

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How come you're more shade-ist?

11. Alternatively: "But if you're South Indian, why are you so fair?"

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When you get to know me, you'll learn that I'm also lovely ;)

12. "Do you always have to wear flowers in your hair?"

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Yes, actually. They create a force-field that protects us from people like you.

13. "How do you understand Tamil? It's all like gudu-budu-ludu-kudu-mudu."

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OK, please teach me how to say "that's offensive" in a language you're more comfortable with.

14. "And why does everything in Tamil sound sooo angry?"

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BECAUSE WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH IDIOTS LIKE YOU ASKING QUESTIONS LIKE THIS. ANYTHING ELSE?

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