68 Things That Would've Gone Very Differently If Harry Potter Had Taken Place In India
Dumbledore would be a criminal under Section 377 and dementors would be arrested for kissing in public.
1. Dumbledore would've been a criminal under Section 377.
2. Your Hogwarts letter would never come because of the high cut-off.
3. The SC and OBCs of Hogwarts would be referred to as Mudbloods.
4. Ron and Hermione would never be able to be together because of the caste system.
5. Narendra Modi would've started his career as an eccentric professor called Mad Eye Modi.
6. The Weasley family would be booked under "Hum Do Humare Do."
7. The Floo network would stop working when it rained and commuters would be stuck in chimneys for hours.
8. The Hogwarts Express trolley witch would be replaced by a man yelling "chai coffee saaandwiiiich."
9. Rita Skeeter would be a writer for Bombay Times.
10. The Sorting Hat would take bribes.
11. Kejriwal, by virtue of his experience with jhaadus, would be Quidditch Coach.
12. The Quidditch World Cup would be rife with match fixing.
13. While not flying, students would use their brooms to help Professor Mad Eye Modi with his Swachh Hogwarts Abhiyan.
14. Shah Rukh Khan and the Ambanis would own different Quidditch teams.
15. There would be a candle march and vigil at India Gate for Cedric Diggory's death.
16. King's Cross Station would be C.S.T.
17. And you wouldn't have to run into the wall, you'd be pushed in by the crowd.
18. You'd have a coolie to carry your trunks and pets.
19. Rajnikanth would be a charms professor, reknown around the wizarding world for his ability to defy all the laws of physics effortlessly.
20. The Flying Ford Anglia would've been an Ambassador with a lal batti attached.
21. At least ten Thestrals would reject you before one would reluctantly agree to take you where you wanted to go.
22. The Knight Bus would never be on time and Stan Shunpike would yell at you for not tendering exact change.
23. Despite all his crimes against humanity, Voldemort would spend a couple of days in jail and then become an MP.
24. The Mirror of Erised would have "raj + priya 4ever" etched into it.
25. Bappi Lahiri would be the world's best seeker. Because gold.
26. The Burrow would be torn down because it wouldn't pass BMC regulations.
27. The Tri-Wizard Tournament would be replaced with a season of Bigg Boss.
28. Moving portraits would be in a constant state of buffering.
29. Regardless of his real name, everyone would refer to Dobby either as chotu or as Ramu kaka.
30. The potions master would be an aunty whose expertise is mixing adrak and honey and forcibly making her students drink it.
31. Trelawney would be the most influential person at Hogwarts because she can read everyone's Kundli.
32. The Yule ball would be segregated. Boys and girls not allowed to touch.
33. The first dance would be a round of dandiya.
34. Ginny would spend most of her annual budget on buying rakhis for her billion brothers.
35. Parseltongues would be called Saperas.
36. Nagini wouldn't be loyal to old Voldy because any roadside snakecharmer would be able to communicate with her.
37. Malfoy's slick hair would smell of Parachute coconut oil.
38. On Diwali, everyone would be able to buy Chinese-made fireworks that make the Dark Mark.
39. Dementors would be booked for kissing in public.
40. Every politician would've spent at least one night on hunger strike in Azkaban.
41. The quest for Horcruxes would've taken twice as long because there would be a song-and-dance sequence each time they found one.
42. Viktor Krum would be constantly harassed with rishta offers.
43. Merpeople would be extinct or disgustingly mutated because of water pollution.
44. Hedwig would be shooed away from important events because owls are bad omens.
45. The Great Hall would have separate tables for veg, non-veg, and Jain food.
46. Hogwarts would also have three kitchens where these different foods are cooked.
47. Moms would constantly send howlers ending with "Tum bilkul apne papa pe gaye ho."
48. Hogwarts would NEEEEED a threading and waxing salon for the ladies.
49. Harry's disciplinary hearing would take ten years to get to court.
50. Baba Ramdev would claim that yoga can cure squibs.
51. Everything sold at Diagon Alley would be bargainable down to half its price.
52. Instead of saying "The wand chooses the wizard, Mr. Potter," Olivander would say, "Your parents choose your wand for you, Mr. Potter."
53. Neville would be an ambassador for VLCC.
54. When babies are born, the first thing doctors would do would be to cast a spell called "Nazar Utaaricus!"
55. Nobody would believe Hermione is a witch because her feet aren't backwards.
56. Moaning Myrtle would never appear because she's stuck in some drain clog somewhere.
57. Everyone's bogart would just be a random aunty at a shaadi saying "Beta, you're next!"
58. There would be several smaller Quidditch tournaments between the World Cups, most notably the Q-20 World Cup and the Jaadu-On-Jhaadus Premier League.
59. Hogwarts would have a thriving tuition class industry during O.W.L. exam season.
60. The Chamber Of Secrets would just be a fridge full of un-labeled plastic dabbas.
61. Everyone would keep their wand in its plastic covering for as long as possible.
62. Every argument between Harry and Draco would end in "Tu school ke baad baher mil bhenchod, dekhta hoon."
63. Hogwarts would be called I.I.M., or Indian Institute of Magic.
64. Instead of dying, Dobby would go from being a chaiwallah to being elected Minister of Magic in the wizarding world's largest ever democratic election.
65. The story would end with Harry and Ginny's massive shaadi, where he rides in with his baraat on a decorated thestral.
66. Fleur Delacour would perform an item number at the sangeet.
67. Ron and Hermione (who still live with Ron's parents) would use all their magical prowess to hide Harry's shoes.
68. 19 years later: Every single character in this story lives happily ever after... As a successful doctor, lawyer, or engineer.