Note: This post mentions suicide.
If you've ever been ghosted by a friend, you might've wondered what caused them to stop communicating with you.
And while some people might let the friendship go, others might choose to reach out to the person who ghosted to find out why they stopped talking to them.
So we asked the BuzzFeed Community: "What exactly happened when you reached out to a friend who ghosted you — and how did they respond?" Here's what people said.
1. "For over 10 years, we were best friends. During that time, we successfully operated two businesses together, lived on separate coasts, and were in daily contact about everything both big and small in our lives. Five years ago, I relocated for a few months to help her launch her retail store. Shortly after returning home, she stopped talking to me. I had no idea why. Over the following years, she would reach out about once a year with an upheaval she wanted my support with, and in spite of my hurt, I would be there for her, only for her to go silent again immediately after. This last time, I finally asked her why she chose to drop out of my life after the years of friendship we shared."
2. "I had a friend who stopped inviting me to parties but would send me Snapchats of her and another close friend partying every weekend. I was incredibly hurt. I would cry about it to my boyfriend, but I never said anything to her. After a few months, we met for dinner and she casually mentioned she purposely stopped inviting me and sent me those Snapchats so I 'would feel bad.' The reason she tried to hurt me was because I didn’t say goodbye before leaving a party. The thing was, I did say goodbye — she was just too drunk to remember. After that conversation, you could say I ghosted her. I didn’t want a friend who would purposely hurt me and be mad when it didn’t get 'noticed.' I almost wish we’d never had the conversation because I had tried to reason with myself that I just wasn’t invited because they thought I was busy."
—Anonymous
3. "Years ago, after going to San Diego for a girls' weekend trip, someone I’ve been friends with for over five years ignored my texts and calls for a whole year. I was really confused as to what happened and finally, after a year, she decided to meet with me. We went out to dinner and she tried to act normal, but I was pretty confused and upset because she ignored me for so long. After I confronted her about it, she finally confessed and said that, during the San Diego trip, I had said something that hurt her feelings. I was surprised and apologized and told her that was never my intention. We had plans to reconnect and hangout again soon, but we never saw each other again. Something was just different. I also decided not to be in contact with her anymore because I realized we were pretty different. All I knew at that time is that if anyone had hurt my feelings, I would have mentioned it after taking a little time. But a whole year was too extreme in my opinion."
4. "I was living in an apartment with a couple. They got married and we decided to continue living together but wanted to get a bigger place. A few weeks before we were due to move, I barely saw my roommates and my best friend wasn't returning my calls or texts. I was also up for a promotion, putting in 10-12 hour days, working weekends, and packing to move — so I didn't have time to really hound everyone on what was going on. Moving day arrived and my roommates and my best friend were nowhere to be found, even though weeks ago (at this point), he said he would come over and help me move. I was very confused and worried. I was texting and calling everyone. Finally, the husband of the couple came over and told me that they're not moving in with me."
"It turned out that they've been fighting and were getting a divorce! They were only married for a few months. It was a shock and they were leaving me high and dry in a new apartment with higher rent. I was pretty upset and still couldn't get in touch with my best friend to talk about it.
The husband and I worked at the same company, and I ran into him about a week later. He apologized and I accepted and told him it was weird that I couldn't get in touch with my best friend. The husband told me his soon-to-be ex-wife and my best friend were having an affair and that's why they're getting divorced.
Well, after this revelation, I went and camped out at my best friend's place to confront him about the situation and why he didn't tell me or answer any of my messages.
"He got home and when he saw me, he just said, 'You shouldn't have come here.' 'Why? What is going on and what is the deal with you having an affair with my (now) ex-roommate?' He said that they were getting married and she forbade him from seeing me. She didn't like that his best friend was a woman. And he agreed and had just ghosted me. He said he never had any intention of getting in touch with me again.
I asked how he could do that, we were best friends didn't he feel anything? He said that he loved her and this was what she wanted. He was sorry but he chose her over me and our friendship. Yeah, I was devastated, how could someone who was supposedly my best friend or even a close friend do that to someone else?
I completely misjudged him and to this day, it makes me really wary about friendships and not putting too much stock in them.
Also, if you want honesty about getting ghosted, be prepared for the reasons to be brutal. Oh, and never ever have a couple as roommates."
—Anonymous
5. "My best friend just up and ditched me out of nowhere one day. It broke my heart. Back in October, she asked me if I wanted to meet up for coffee because she felt bad about how it all ended, but she never showed up, never answered my messages, and left me hanging — again. I realized that day she hadn't changed and didn't feel too bad because she did it to me again. The sad thing was, before that, I'd started to get over it and trust people again, but her just leaving me waiting for her to show up like that broke my heart all over again. I don't know if I'll ever truly get over it, honestly."
6. "I met my friend, Erin (fake name) at work. We became fast friends and eventually best friends. She got another job, and we stopped seeing each other as much but remained close. Then when I was planning my wedding, she didn't RSVP to anything and then didn't come to the shower, bachelorette party, and the wedding. Eventually, she stopped returning my texts whatsoever. I would text her here and there over the years just asking if she was doing alright but I never got a text back. Five years later, she reached out to me on Instagram."
7. "I was good friends with someone for eight years; we met through work. We got along great right off the bat, which is rare for me, since I'm a fairly introverted person. We called and texted each other regularly, and when the time came for me to get a new job, she was supportive and happy for me. The new job required off-site training, and I could only be on the phone during lunches (which I made her aware of), and I would check in with my husband at those times, but catch up with my friend after. A couple weeks go by and she stops answering texts, calls, and social media messages. I started to worry, but saw her actively updating social media. I sent her a polite text, asking if I'd done something wrong."
"She said she couldn't talk about it, and I never heard from her again. According to a few people who we've mutually known, she accused me of making my new job a higher priority than our friendship, because I couldn't talk on the phone and text all the time.
I think it was more about me getting an awesome job that I actually liked and she was still stuck at the old job. You wanna flush an eight-year friendship down the toilet over some middle school BS? Sounds to me like her priorities were the ones that took precedence over our friendship."
—Anonymous
8. "I was really good friends with a woman who was temping at my company. She was a semi-professional comedian, and I used to accompany her to a lot of her shows all over NYC. I got to know her husband really well, too, as well as her daughter (who was born while I knew her). We used to even all travel together to out-of-town gigs. Well, one day, she simply stopped returning my calls. I tried and tried to reach out, and was mystified as to what happened. Eventually, I just gave up. 10-plus years later, her husband reaches out to me on social media."
"I was like, what happened with her? It turned out that while she was out of town once, her husband asked me to go to the movies with him, which I did. She decided this meant that I was having an affair with her husband. UM, WHAT?? I had never expressed any interest in him whatsoever! So she basically ended our friendship over some baseless jealousy. Oh, and she and her husband divorced eventually, anyway. Bullet dodged for me!"
9. "I was ghosted by a friend group when I was 15. I had just moved to a different country and had no idea what happened or why everyone back home I was friends with suddenly stopped talking to me. These were people who were previously listed as my sisters on Facebook, and the next day I discovered they’d deleted me as a friend. I tried reaching out multiple times and got nothing. One day, around eight years later, after finally going through the whole thing during therapy, I added one of them on Facebook. To my shock, one of them accepted my friend request."
10. "My best friend since I was 12 years old ghosted me after she got engaged. I found out later that it was because her fiancé didn't like me. This cut deeper than any romantic breakup."
—Anonymous
11. "I confronted a friend about why she had been distant and she said, 'You missed my birthday party this year.' I was really taken aback. I told her I don't remember why I couldn't come to her bday party, which was a last-minute dinner and some dessert. I asked her and she couldn't remember either. I did remind her that I had asked her to go to breakfast on her bday at her favorite vegan restaurant, and I got her a present as well. I felt like she was lying about why she was upset. I was in a long-distance relationship with someone who was encouraging healthy changes. I brought this up and my friend told me she felt I didn't need to change.
I told her about the deep loneliness I've always had and how these changes were improving my mental state. And by changes I mean my LDR was encouraging me to do things like not drink alcohol, take care of my physical health, learn more, improve my intelligence, etc. My best friend and I talked things through but it didn't feel resolved."
12. "I got ghosted by one of my best friends from college. We were friends from right after orientation freshman year, and lived together from junior to senior year. We stayed friends the first two years after graduation and went to homecoming together the second year after we graduated, and she stayed with me a few days since I lived in the area. After that radio, however, silence for months. No response to texts, calls, Snaps, or Facebook messages. I finally reached out and asked if something had happened when she stayed with me or if I had otherwise done something to upset her. Weeks after that, she finally replied. She said no, I hadn’t done anything. She was just busy with grad school and struggling with some mental health issues, and that she had some new friends. I reminded her that, of course, I was always available if she wanted to talk, and that I understood what she was going through (both with grad school and mental health). After that, nothing."
13. "Basically my co-worker and I became really close friends and when I got engaged, I asked her if she would be in my bridal party and she very happily accepted. Fast forward to when I resigned from the company and she was all 'OMG, we’ll meet up, do bridal things, I’m here for you, I love you' kind of stuff. But within a month, she stopped getting in touch. Then she stopped answering when I tried to get in touch with her. At one point, I sent a text saying, 'Hey, can you please help me with this one thing for the wedding?' And she replied, 'Oh, sorry, I can’t, I’m busy.' I didn’t make a big deal about it, but it still hurt since she was originally so enthusiastic and she was also my only local bridesmaid (I was sort of new to the area). I did the thing by myself and I was feeling the red flags, but I thought, 'Well, give a person a chance' but her behavior continued, so I finally texted her that I needed to talk to her about the wedding."
"She picked up when I called and I asked her about why she was basically ghosting when she’d been so excited about our friendship and being in the wedding. She said, 'Well, we don’t work together anymore so I really don’t have to care. Besides, I don’t know why you expect anything out of me, It’s your wedding. This is a *you* problem.'
I was floored. After gathering myself, I said, 'I’m solving my 'me-problem' by kicking you out of my wedding party, and you’re uninvited.' She got pissed and called me a bitch and I hung up on her. It was… wow."
14. "I had a friend that was as close as a sister: we hung out every weekend, we met each other's children and families, and we literally did everything together. Then all of the sudden, everything stopped. My texts would not get a response and my calls went to voicemail. I had no idea what was going on. Even worse, my son started asking about them and wanting to know why they didn't come over anymore. After over a year of no communication, I finally texted her and got a response: she told me that at the time, she was stressed about being a parent and about work and life in general. She claimed she thought about reaching out to me; however, either she was just too tired to explain everything or she didn't want to bother me with her issues."
"As the weeks turned into months, she said she felt guilty for not responding and didn't know what to say, so she didn't say anything. I listened and told her how much I appreciated her confiding in me; however, friendship is a two-way street — if she wanted to be in my life moving forward, she had to help me out.
We saw a movie that weekend, but the next month, it was the same thing with no responses. Sadly, I realized that I had to let that friendship go, but to this day, I still think of all the good times."
—Anonymous
15. "I had a friend in undergrad completely stop talking to me, and I tried to find out why. Eventually, months later, I messaged her explaining that it really hurt because I had related trauma that she knew about, and this triggered it. She said, and I quote, 'I'm surprised you haven't moved on by now. I have.'"
"Looking back, I'm aware I was a very needy friend that was hard to bear, and I understand that not everyone can be there for me. That being said, there are better methods than ghosting, and that comment was like a punch in the gut.
I'm currently seeing a trauma specialist, have learned how to have healthy friendships with healthy boundaries, and am seeking an official PTSD diagnosis (for the initial trauma, not this random girl ghosting me) — but hearing someone chide you for not moving on when you have clinical trauma hurts deeply."
16. "I was very close with one of my boyfriends at the time’s roommates, or so I thought. We would hang out at least once a week, and I would often drive over to his place just to hang out with her. We had many drunken and sober hearts to hearts, and she made me feel more heard than I had felt in a long time. I considered her to be one of my best friends but about a week after my boyfriend and I broke up, she just completely iced me out. She was in a SUPER long-term relationship, and I’m confident that it had nothing to do with my ex. But I was completely at a loss. I tried texting and calling her an embarrassing amount of times to no avail. I ended up sending her a very long and vulnerable text asking for any explanation as to what had happened because I was in a very deep depression spiral and she hurt me very badly, but she never replied. Fast forward a few years, and one of my very good friends had a birthday party and he had invited my former friend and her boyfriend."
17. "A mutual friend re-shared a photo a friend had posted congratulating her on her pregnancy. I clicked my friend's name to congratulate her and noticed she had removed me as a friend. I texted her to congratulate her instead and asked why she had removed me. She told me it was because I didn't attend her wedding party. I had been invited to the evening part of the day and it offended her I hadn't shown up. I explained that at that time, I was undergoing tests after doctors had located a tumor, and I had been suffering from anxiety/mild depression. I apologized and explained that I had shut myself away, and I'd completely forgotten about the event with all that was going on. She responded with one line saying she basically couldn't let it go and we have never spoken again. Thankfully, the tumor was later found to be benign."
18. "I was friends with someone for almost 10 years. We did everything together, and I even took her on family vacations because I saw her as a sister. One summer, I traveled through Europe with a mutual friend we had. We had asked if she wanted to go with us and she said no because she wouldn’t have the money. She insisted we go even though she couldn’t. So we did. And when I got back, she would not talk to me unless I initiated the conversation. It came to the point where she would just not talk to me for weeks at a time. We ended up at the same mutual friends’ party one night and she ignored me the entire night. In the end, she said she wanted to work through it and meet for lunch the next day. I said yes because I didn’t want to cause a scene. I went to the restaurant the next day and she never showed up."
"I had called her three times and sent multiple texts. After waiting an HOUR AND A HALF, I decided to leave. I told her I was leaving, and she could call me if she wanted to talk. 30 minutes later, she sent me a text saying that she, 'Didn’t hear her phone.' No apology for not showing up.
So I called her again, and again, it went to voicemail — so I left her a voicemail again. I told her when her phone got back from the alternate reality it was in for her not to hear all the notifications that she could call me. And I hung up and haven’t heard from her since.
I deleted her from all social media. It’s been five years since we talked, and I didn’t realize how toxic the friendship was until she wasn’t in my life anymore."
19. "Most of my friends ghosted me during the pandemic, but I never confronted them because it was pretty obvious why. If I didn't want to gather together indoors before being vaccinated, then I wasn't worth the trouble of trying to keep in touch with at all."
20. "When the pandemic started, I moved back to the U.S. by necessity and decided to drive through the Southwest. My friend worked at a summer camp held in one of the states I was planning to drive to, and I gave them a month's heads up that I was going to prioritize visiting them. I also asked if they knew anyone I could stay with for a night, but I emphasized that they weren't obligated to help me. Several weeks passed, and at this point, I didn't mind their lack of answer; however, my efforts to ask when and where we should meet were brushed off, but I understood they were busy and stressed with last-minute cancellations of the summer camp. I fended for myself, despite struggling with not knowing where I would live from week to week. My tipping point was when I offered to drive them back to see their family, who had been a surrogate family for me growing up with divorced and abusive parents."
"When I offered to drive them four hundred miles out to their family, I was someone going out of my way for some validation that we were still friends, and that I still had a family with her family like they had promised when we were younger. My contact was ignored. I was tired and frustrated that I had conveyed how much I wanted to see them, but I was the only one who made an effort.
I sent an essay detailing my frustration and made some petty remarks that were unsolicited. I apologized for those, but not for telling them that what they did had come off as deliberately inconsiderate. They only wrote back to say that I had put a lot of pressure on them to house me those weeks, but it sounded like an excuse.
The whole fiasco had become an echo chamber of my childhood abandonment (I knew that was in part my problem), but they expressed that they didn't care to talk more about what happened or how it felt. We've forgiven each other quietly, but I'm still grieving a lost friendship.
Reaching out to them gave me a different validation in my own right. To date, I avoid all confrontations with friends because that's what I think it takes to keep them. My hurt became powerful enough to give me the strength to speak and to tried to fight for a friendship I valued, even if in the end I lost it.
21. "I started a new job in 2017 and became very close with a female colleague despite the 15-year age gap. We had days out together, nights in together, talked and texted all the time. I used to be her sounding board for men she liked, and I got close to her family, too. Then one day, nothing. No replies or texts, no conversations, nothing. I called her out on it and asked her family, and I just got 'Nah, nothing's wrong. You're just being paranoid.' Finally realized it was her loss. Sometimes you just won't get an answer and have to move on. Weird."
22. "I was best friends with this girl from late middle school until half of high school. Like three or so years. We were together all the time, we texted every second we were apart, we had sleepovers, and met each other’s families. Until one day, she started acting weird. She was always super affectionate and nice, and she suddenly became this cold unapproachable person. Her responses were dry and she kept avoiding me. We used to go together to school every morning, and she said she wanted to go by herself. I asked her so many times what was wrong. If I did something wrong without noticing it or if something happened to her that had nothing to do with me. Every single time she would just say no. We met at school, and I was excited to tell her something I learned about a thing we were discussing, and she would always jump up and down and hug me and scream with happiness, but this time, she just looked me up and down with the coldest look, said. 'Ok' and walked away."
