The Little Mermaid is arguably one of the best Disney movies of all time. But a giant plot hole actually makes it seem like one of the flimsiest.
"Ariel could have saved herself a lot of trouble if she had just learned to read and write," she explains.
She could just scrawl out an explanation of her situation for Prince Eric like, "Hey Blue Eyes, I saved your life and then you fell in love with my voice, which I could probably get back if you just used your love to try to suck it out of my throat through my mouth here," but like nicer and in princess language.
But, being a king's daughter, chances are good that Ariel was literate. She could at least read music.
She probably had the finest underwater education available, especially since she was the star of the under sea orchestral extravaganza, which had absolutely no room for scrubs.
Then it occurred to me, duh — they can't write underwater without those special pens, and they'd have to be able to walk to The Sharper Image to get those.
But of course, the poor unfortunate soul can read and write, because she read Ursula's contract and SIGNED HER DAMN NAME.
...with a fishbone.
And, unlike the many of us who communicate entirely in emojis, Ariel's handwriting is actually lovely and legible.
Someone clearly paid attention in underwater cursive class. 💁
Falls continues, "I had to give her the benefit of the doubt and think, well maybe she didn't want to explain herself cause she was trying to be a cool water fish about the whole deal and take her game to the next level."
Except the ridiculous way she did that was by being dressed in a sail and "miming like an adorable lunatic."
No chill, Ariel.
"Crushingly," Falls finishes, "Ariel absolutely could've closed from moment one and happens to be a moron."
Or, you know, she could've not given away her voice for a man she didn't even know in the first place.