Food·Posted on Nov 19, 20129 Unforgivable Things You Should Never Do To A TurkeyI shouldn't even be showing you these photos.by Rachel SandersBuzzFeed StaffFacebookPinterestTwitterMailLink 1. Stuff it with cupcakes. blogger.com No. No, no, no.This comes to you from the Cupcake Project. 2. Or with Cheez-Its. blogger.com This is a great disservice to both the turkey and the Cheez-Its. 3. Or with Twinkies. helablog.com Here's how, if you're some kind of monster. 4. Fry it the wrong way. media.heavy.com BAD NEWS. 5. Brine it in Coolattas and stuff it with Munchkins. wordpress.com Arrrr, that be the monster they call The TurDunkin'. No man has tasted her and lived to tell the tale. 6. Turn it into a cake. search.chow.com Things that look like desserts but aren't desserts deserve their own special circle of Hell. 7. Microwave it. flickr.com Just don't, just please, please don't. 8. Give it a bikini tan. wac.450f.edgecastcdn.net The only possible excuse for this is to provide a girlfriend for the Sexy Chicken. 9. Or lemon boobs. cdn.epicski.com There's something wrong with you if you really want to know how to do this. Okay, so what the hell AM I supposed to do with it? DO: Buy the right kind of turkey.DO: Defrost your turkey the right way.DO: Make it into the Best Turducken Ever.