Food

20 Truly Horrifying Vintage Holiday Recipes

“Oh, bring us a figgy pudding”… with Jell-O, tuna, and mayo.

1. The Shrimp Christmas Tree

Spanish Green Olive Commission / Via bonappetit.com

Woof.

2. The Christmas Candle Salad

Tested Recipe Institute, Inc. / Via vintagerecipecards.com

Bananas, cranberry Jell-O… seems harmless, until you realize the “melted wax” is actually mayo.

3. The Deviled Ham Sandwich Tree

The star topper is intended to distract from the pile of ham, olives, white bread, and sour cream.

4. The Tuna Christmas Tree

Not surprised Elf on the Shelf is the one behind this, tbh.

5. This Hot Creamed Diced Ham, Oyster, and Mushroom Dish

It’s like a fondue of garbage.

6. The Frozen Fruitcake Salad

Better Homes and Gardens / Via vintagerecipecards.com

Fine, if you’re into mixing sour cream and Cool Whip together.

7. The Holiday Vegetable Loaf

Ew.

8. Molded Pâté-Cheese Balls

Rachel W. Miller for BuzzFeed / Via Good Housekeeping’s Complete Christmas Cookbook, 1967

Because nothing says “let’s get this party started!” like liver and cream cheese balls suspended in a meaty gelatin.

9. The Glazed Potato Ring

I actually didn’t know it was possible to make potatoes look unappealing.

10. The Cranberry “Candles”

Just cranberry sauce, gelatin, mayo, and an open flame.

11. The Vegetable and Tuna Jell-O Wreath

Jell-O/General Foods / Via tiddleywink.com

I repeat: VEGETABLE AND TUNA JELL-O WREATH.

12. This Duck Mousse En Gelée

More meat products floating in beefy Jell-O.

13. This Crime Against Leftovers

STAHP.

14. The Flaky Christmas Tree

Happy Holidays! I glued some green corn flakes to a board for you!

15. Hot Dr. Pepper

can u not?

16. The Ham Chaud-Froid

Rachel W. Miller for BuzzFeed / Via Good Housekeeping’s Complete Christmas Cookbook, 1967

“Chaud-froid” is French for “ham holding a bunch of ‘ham mousse cornucopias’ and surrounded by a base of sherry Jell-O.” Just FYI.

17. This Decorated Baked Ham

General Foods Kitchens Cookbook / Via turkeysandwich.wordpress.com

Nope.

18. The Noel Glazed Ham

Family Circle Magazine / Via tiddleywink.com

Clearly, decorated ham was A Thing.

19. The Christmas “Pudding”

Sour cream, pasta, raisins, and cheese, huh? That’s the way you want to go?

20. A Meat Star

Do it for Baby Jesus.

Have you tossed your sugar cookies yet?

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