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28 Dating Scenarios Twentysomethings Will Never Understand

Muddling through the course of true love before the digital age.

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1. Giving your number on a beermat, or getting a new crush to scrawl theirs on your arm.

why do I have a phone number written on my arm?😷

And spending the rest of the night afraid a vital digit would get wiped off, especially if written down with an eye/lip liner.

2. Hanging by the telephone to save them from having to speak to your parents.

And having to pass the phone over to your parents because 9 times out of 10 it wasn't for you.

3. Or calling from a phonebox if you didn't want your mum/dad/brother/sister/flatmate earwigging.

Privacy's hard when the whole family shares a line.

4. Learning all your best chat up lines from "Blind Date".

DARREN: Can you remember which year Blind Date first appeared on ITV with Cilla Black?

So what's your name and where do you come from? Short and sweet!


5. Planning an exact time and location to meet days in advance.

woolworths closing down was the only thing the country talked about for weeks #GrowingUpBritish

Almost always outside Woolworth's.

6. Spending hours applying pastel eyeshadow, pearly pink lipstick, and using eyeliner on your lips.

The worst was when your lippy wore off and there was a gap between lip and brown lip liner.

7. Or spraying up with Lynx Africa, or a splash of Brut, Joop or Fahrenheit for special occasions.

CORRECTION: Based on the Gazza Brut advert on the bus stop this is 183-87 Church St in 1990, not 1998.

Who could resist an ad that promised: "The cleaner you are, the dirtier you get."

8. Not being able to check up on your date's social media to make sure your beer goggles hadn't done you wrong when they chatted you up at the pub.

Bars and nightclubs were badly lit. Drinks were cheap. You'd leave before the lights came on, but sometimes it was exciting seeing what they looked like in the cold light of day. And sometimes it was horrific.


9. Having to sit politely though a very bad date as no one could call you on your mobile to help you escape.

You just had to get hammered and disgrace yourself so much they'd never want to see you again. But not so drunk that you went home with them.

10. When your friends would want to see a photo, but you couldn't take one for at least a few dates because they'd think you were a "bunny boiler".


Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction was the Overly Attached Girlfriend meme of our time.

11. Telling your mates what footballer/film star/member of Take That they most resembled instead.

#TodaysKidsWillNeverKnow what a 90s Take That looked like. Oh. The. Days.

Well in your eyes anyway. Cue much sniggering when they actually met.

12. Finally getting 'round to taking a couple photo and having to use one of these.

You'd be lucky to get one good selfie out of the whole 24 pack. So many missing foreheads, chins and ears.


13. Or being the sort who carried one of these.

When you were down for ~intimate~ shots in the pre-Snapchat days.

15. Instead of texting late at night, having to sneak out and actually show up at each other's doorsteps.

20th Century Fox

Anyone prepared to risk breaking a limb shinning down the drainpipe = a keeper.

16. And one of you coming 'round after a Mad Dog 20/20 fuelled row and being terrified to wake up mum and dad.

Usually ended up with some technicoloured sick thanks to those vintage alcopops.


19. Getting one of these through the letterbox on February 14th.

“@POPSUGAREnt: Say "Happy Valentine's Day" with a '90s-themed card! ” @MarkTaylorCBS our life.


20. Or even better, one of these.

A Forever Friends bear = 2 Geva 4 Eva.


21. Believing that Sex and the City was an accurate representation of sex and cities.

Those "Sex and the City" movies deserve plenty of scorn. But the show has good moments.

Our generation were such Charlottes.

22. And getting your sex tips from More magazine.

Ah, More magazine, how did they manage to make up so many different variants of the usual three?

23. Having to actually take your crush's word that they were at footy practice or watching the match in the pub instead of doing something shady.

No Four Square stalking for us.

24. But swing by with your mates anyway, just to be sure.

Wearing your best Victoria Beckham-inspired skin tight Miss Selfridge dress, of course.


25. Being able to confront them and make a huge scene without worrying about it being caught on camera.

You got to tip pints over their head in peace.

26. Breaking up = hiding away eating ice cream and pizza, listening to Gloria Gaynor and drinking Lambrini while your wounded heart healed.

You were mercifully not subjected to social media statuses about how TOTALLY FINE they were.

27. And being able to destroy all evidence of ever being together by chucking all your cards, photos, teddy bears, letters and mix tapes on a bonfire/into a canal.

Little to no risk of revenge porn.

28. Being able to get actual closure.

Without having to worry about the politics of staying friends on social media 🙌🙌🙌