28 Dating Scenarios Twentysomethings Will Never Understand
Muddling through the course of true love before the digital age.
1. Giving your number on a beermat, or getting a new crush to scrawl theirs on your arm.
2. Hanging by the telephone to save them from having to speak to your parents.
3. Or calling from a phonebox if you didn't want your mum/dad/brother/sister/flatmate earwigging.
4. Learning all your best chat up lines from "Blind Date".
5. Planning an exact time and location to meet days in advance.
6. Spending hours applying pastel eyeshadow, pearly pink lipstick, and using eyeliner on your lips.
7. Or spraying up with Lynx Africa, or a splash of Brut, Joop or Fahrenheit for special occasions.
8. Not being able to check up on your date's social media to make sure your beer goggles hadn't done you wrong when they chatted you up at the pub.
9. Having to sit politely though a very bad date as no one could call you on your mobile to help you escape.
10. When your friends would want to see a photo, but you couldn't take one for at least a few dates because they'd think you were a "bunny boiler".
11. Telling your mates what footballer/film star/member of Take That they most resembled instead.
12. Finally getting 'round to taking a couple photo and having to use one of these.
13. Or being the sort who carried one of these.
14. Finding your way to their house by using an A to Z.
15. Instead of texting late at night, having to sneak out and actually show up at each other's doorsteps.
16. And one of you coming 'round after a Mad Dog 20/20 fuelled row and being terrified to wake up mum and dad.
17. Then making up by pouring out your heart in a love letter.
18. Or making a mix tape of "your" songs.
19. Getting one of these through the letterbox on February 14th.
20. Or even better, one of these.
21. Believing that Sex and the City was an accurate representation of sex and cities.
22. And getting your sex tips from More magazine.
23. Having to actually take your crush's word that they were at footy practice or watching the match in the pub instead of doing something shady.
24. But swing by with your mates anyway, just to be sure.
25. Being able to confront them and make a huge scene without worrying about it being caught on camera.
26. Breaking up = hiding away eating ice cream and pizza, listening to Gloria Gaynor and drinking Lambrini while your wounded heart healed.
27. And being able to destroy all evidence of ever being together by chucking all your cards, photos, teddy bears, letters and mix tapes on a bonfire/into a canal.
28. Being able to get actual closure.
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