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1. A password journal, because trying to remember unique passwords is a lifelong struggle, but writing them down in this book takes about five seconds.
2. Reusable cotton rounds that — unlike their disposable counterparts — will last for way longer than just one minute. These machine washable beauties will be there to help you remove makeup and apply skin care products for a long time to come.
3. A knife sharpener to keep your prized blades honed and sharp instead of letting them get sad and dull.
4. A tongue scraper that's a small price to pay for fresher breath and less...ummmm...mouth goo.
5. A set of microfiber glasses cleaning cloths for any glasses-wearers who just wants to see clearly for ONCE. Keep some of these in your pocket so you can finally stop squinting.
6. A combination broom and squeegee that'll be your new go-to tool for wrestling hair and lint trapped in your carpet right out from under your feet. Your vacuum is shaking.
7. Shower curtain rings with separate hooks for the curtain and the liner. Hanging and cleaning those historically wily sheets just got a lot easier.
8. A giant Tub O' Towels for cleaning heavy duty messes of all kinds. This tub comes with 90 (!!!!!) wipes, so yeah — you'll be set for a while.
9. Some charcoal shoe deodorizers to help rid your loafers of The Stank. Recharging them is as simple as placing them in a sunbeam — how sweet.
10. Reusable Keurig cups so you can save money, make your own coffee blends, and reduce your use of disposable K-cups in one fell swoop.
11. A honeycomb organizer to keep your drawers that hold your ~drawers~ neat for the foreseeable future.
12. A stainless steel "soap" bar so you can easily wash away the lingering smell of garlic and onions after chopping. And unlike a regular bar of soap, it will never erode away into a tiny ball of mush.
13. A peace of mind journal that will literally help you until after you're dead. It may not be legally binding, but it can give your loved ones direction about your wishes — just in case of the worst.
14. A TubShroom to wrangle your stray hairs and keep them from becoming a veritable tumbleweed clogging your drain. That's a problem future-you should never have to deal with.
15. A Drop Stop to prevent food, coins, your phone —anything! — from getting lost between your car's seat and center console. Heck, you could probably pay for this with the amount of change you'll eventually rescue.
16. A clean/dirty dishwasher magnet so you don't have to inspect your dishes every time you go to load or unload them. Why is it SO impossible to remember if you ran the dishwasher or not?
17. A pair of pointy-tipped tweezers that will help you get at ingrown hairs, blackheads, splinters — anything you reaaaally want to get out of your precious skin!
18. An over-the-cabinet storage system so your hair tools finally have a forever home. You no longer have to choose between storing them dangerously close to the sink or in a tangled mess in a drawer.
19. Reusable silicone bags to use for packing your lunch, marinating food, storing leftovers, and more! Scooch over, disposable plastic bags, there's a new, long-lasting kitchen helper in town.
20. A lint remover and fabric defuzzer to revive all of your favorite fabrics you thought were lost forever to The Big Fuzz this winter and many winters to come.
21. A set of eight interlocking bins for transforming your "junk drawer" into your "nice, organized drawer of happiness" with a minimal investment.
22. A set of nonstick oven liners to prevent yourself from making food messes that will take a whole lot of hours and elbow grease to clean. Food swipes right off and the clean mat can be placed back in the oven to await another easily fixable disaster.
23. A wine aerator for taking your cheap merlot up to a new fanciness level by incorporating oxygen and releasing the wine's ~bouquet~...I think. It's complicated.
24. A ten-pack of silicone straws so if you lose one, blam-o! Another is right there for ya.
25. An umbrella small enough to tuck into your bag so you *hopefully* don't misplace it and always know where it is when you need it. Do yourself a favor and don't lose this one!
26. A pair of bedsheet suspenders for keeping your fitted sheets firmly in place all night long. And there's the added bonus laugh after you dress up your mattress in people clothes.
27. A suede and nubuck cleaning brush to always have around for ~brushing~ up your worn shoes and jackets. Your fall look deserves it.
*THE FUTURE* Man, how long have you had that broom you got from that BuzzFeed article?
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