23 Things To Do Before The World Ends On Sept. 23, 2015

    Let's get ready for the End of Days.

    Did you know that the world is going to end on Sept. 23, 2015?

    The date was prophesied by Sir Isaac Newton's interpretation of Daniel 9:25.

    Also, French Foreign Affairs Minister Laurent Fabius, a member of the Bilderberg Group, proclaimed on May 13, 2014, that the world had "500 days to avoid climate chaos." 500 days from May 13, 2014, is Sept. 24, 2015.

    It's going to happen as a result of a convergence of many events including the restart of the CERN Large Hadron Collider, the conclusion of the Jade Helm 15 project, a collision with Comet 67P, and President Obama meeting with the pope at the White House.

    And it all lines up with the fourth of the "blood moons," which many believe to be a sign of the end times.

    The signs have been everywhere, including this old episode of The Simpsons.

    So clearly, we only have a few weeks before the apocalypse! Here's some stuff you can do in the meantime.

    1. Embrace an "inbox zero" lifestyle.

    2. Identify all things that either are or are not problematic about Miley Cyrus.

    3. Catch up on Mr. Robot.

    4. Start wearing expensive brightly colored sneakers and insist on referring to them as "kicks."

    5. Stop using shampoo and start washing with diluted vinegar.

    6. Eat two bananas in one day.

    7. Experiment with lucid dreaming.

    8. Arrange some olives in a dish in case company drops by.

    9. See the world's biggest ball of twine.

    10. Figure out if your Sears gift card also works at Kmart.

    11. Take your topknot game to the next level.

    12. Pickle something that isn't a cucumber.

    13. Get waaaaaaaay into CrossFit.

    14. Read the manga of Dragon Ball so you can compare it to the anime.

    15. Befriend a horse.

    16. See what this "Netflix and chill" thing is all about.

    17. Find your doppelgänger.

    18. STAY WOKE.

    19. Get really passionate about Negronis.

    20. Finally get around to listening to some jazz.

    21. Find out why everyone's so excited about kale.

    22. Look forward to basking in the eerie crimson glow of the coming blood moon.

    23. Enroll in an adult education course and learn how to code.