1. These Jeffrey Campbell Shoes
It's crazy that these have become so popular given that they are 6" high granny-goes-stripper shoes. They just look clunky and awkward, like a little kid trying to walk in mom's heels, which is NOT the "effortless cool" look that is really the goal here.
They also come in this mutant style.
I feel you.
2. Studded Cut-Offs
If you want your studded shorts to stand out on the 'gram, make sure they're as deliberately distressed as possible. Thankfully, you don't have to do any work as there are racks and racks of these babies in the Urban Renewal section of your local Urban Outfitters.
The only tricky part is making sure that the perfect amount of buttcheek slips out.
A splatter of bleach here, a patch of fairly traded Indian blanket there — it's like wearing a tiny postmodern piece of art that barely covers your crotch.
3. Anything Shredded
Cue Weezer's "Sweater Song" here.
Hmm... awkwardly ripped jeans or studded cut-offs? Suddenly I can't decide which might be worse.
4. Tights With Holes In Them
This screams, "I'm damaged inside." You might be looking at legs, but you're really looking into someone's heart, which is black and ripped to shreds. :(
5. American Flag Print
It's like dressing as a NASCAR dad, but with sideboob. This is a disturbing juxtaposition.
6. Skulls
I feel sort of bad for actual goths because it seems like hipsters just steal all of their motifs and then drive them into the ground in an effort to be "edgy."
7. This Shirt
More skulls. More holes.
8. Wearing More Than One Cross At The Same Time
Does the cross even mean anything anymore? Christians should hold "Take Back The Cross" rallies in protest.
9. Thigh Highs
Maybe Taylor Momsen actually did make a mark on the world. Few people can wear these without the dreaded thigh-spillage phenomenon, so hopefully this trend will just quietly die.
10. Ombre Hair
Everyone's trading in their highlights for dip-dyed hair. Are they offering this salon service at the mall now? Is that why it's everywhere?
11. Suspender Tights
Sadly, the effect is more "slutty festival-wave" than "sexy boudoir."
Rihanna, the ultimate stripster who might be to blame for 99 percent of the above.
Rihanna's the queen of Instagram style, as her own stripclub photo on Instagram that has garnered over 40k likes proves. Her look can be accurately described as '90s-tumblr-meets-stripper, and she's not afraid to incorporate three or more of the above trends in a single outfit.
See?
Now that everyone's copying her steez, where can she go next? Stripper grandma? Stripper preppy? The world is waiting for the next bandwagon to jump on.
