The 19 Stages Of Pregnancy From A Man's Perspective

It's an exciting, terrifying and bewildering time.

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3. But despite all the excitement, you can't mention anything to your family and work colleagues, which is almost impossible.

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You're not supposed to say anything for the first 12 weeks - this is for various reasons, not least the increased risk of miscarriage. People tend to assume everyone knows this but they do not.

5. You have to put up with people saying the same things over and over.

1. "Are you excited?"

2. "You know your whole life is going to change."

3. "Make the most of going out and having fun while you can".

4. "Was it planned"?

5. "Do you have a name?"

6. "I guess you'll never have a social life ever again LOOOOL"

7. "Don't complain about being tired now!"

11. You start to bore everyone you've ever met with the sad truth that childcare is RIDICULOUSLY expensive.

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Yes, a full-time nursery place for kids under two in the UK is £11,000 a year on average, according to the Daycare Trust's annual survey, rising to as much as £14,000 in London. I'm really not making this up.

15. It's not really that much like being in a film or on TV.

In films, pregnant women look the same with a Hollywood bump and clothes that always fit them. And they have comedy cravings for strange food combinations.

What they never seem to do is get up in the night to go to the toilet. Or stand at the top of the stairs blowing their cheeks, due to the extra 27lb they are carrying around (baby + extra blood + layer of fat, but don't say fat, no, never say fat).

18. You plan for the big day but feel utterly unsure about what to do during labour.

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Aside from moral support, carrying the bags, phoning relatives, trying not to faint and driving the car / booking the taxi there seems to be very little else you can do.