13 Sex Tips That Shouldn’t Be Attempted By Anyone

Want to spice up your love life? Don’t do any of these. This is very NSFW.

1. Why not treat his schlong like a ping pong ball.

Jevtic / Thinkstock / Via cosmopolitan.com

2. What could possibly go wrong?

3. Pretend to be surprised by his member.

4. Because there is no sexier phrase than “I’m going to give you a vaginal thumbprint.”

kajornyot / thinkstock.com / Via menshealth.com

5. Spice things up a little – literally.

Tom Brakefield / Thinkstock.com / Via cosmopolitan.com

6. Combine sexy time with snack time by introducing a donut to the bedroom.

Anup Shah / Thinkstock / Via cosmopolitan.com

7. Become a sexy hand dryer.

rosalind morgan / thinkstock.com / Via cosmopolitan.com

8. Turn her on, somehow, by shouting down the phone.

JaysonPhotography / Thinkstock.com / Via menshealth.com

9. Don’t break the skin or anything.

Oleg_Ermak / Thinkstock.com / Via cosmopolitan.com

10. Basically, shake his balls.

Purestock / Thinkstock / Via cosmopolitan.com

11. Put her in a sexy burrito / straitjacket.

Elenarts / Thinkstock / Via menshealth.com

12. Paint your own weird sex game.

Metapompa / thinkstock.com / Via menshealth.com

13. “Facial intercourse”.

Digital Vision / thinkstock.com / Via menshealth.com

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Patrick Smith is a senior reporter for BuzzFeed News and is based in London.
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