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    11 Earth-Shattering Things You Missed In Local Newspapers This Week

    It's all kicking off in... well just about everywhere.

    1. Things are hotting up in anticipation of Christmas across the country.

    2. Waitrose was kind enough to supply a Christmas tree in Surbiton. But was everyone in this south London suburb happy? No they were not.

    They launched a petition to get Waitrose to replace and re-dress the tree.

    "As many of you may of noticed, it's quite an ugly sight compared to the rest of the decoration within the Surbiton area and especially when compared to previous successful years," it says.

    3. Not one but TWO baubles were damaged by a 17-year-old reveller in Chichester.

    This story was important enough to merit an UPDATE in the headline.

    4. Meanwhile in Basingstoke...

    5. Don't even think of going out in King's Lynn if you have a fear of clowns (that's coulrophobia, folks). / Shutterstock

    UPDATE: The clown profession in Norfolk has hit back at people who dress up as clowns just to scare people. The Eastern Daily Press quotes Sally Beadle, also known as Crazy Bananas the Clown saying: "Not all clowns are scary people. It would be nice to fight back for clowns. I believe we are good at what we do and I don’t want our livelihoods to be harmed because of kids trying to get a reaction."

    Via @SonofShalem.

    6. Be afraid, residents of Little Treviscoe, near St Austell, Cornwall. Be very afraid.

    Twitter: @stuartbest2

    UPDATE: Journalists have now tracked down this dangerous cat, which allegedly "chases children, picks fights with dogs and even bursts into people's homes to claw and scratch them." Thanks to @jonmwelch.

    7. And Atworth, Wiltshire has animal issues too, though thankfully they were resolved quickly. / Via @yakhunt

    Also in Wiltshire: drunken man refuses to get off bus.

    8. This man breached an ASBO that banned him.... from touching or entering cars.

    Inspector Stephen Gilbertson, from Stockport police, told the MEN: "He [Rushton] just can't keep his hands of cars. He doesn't own a car but he can't go past one without trying the handle or seeing if there's something in it."

    9. Our thoughts go out to the family of this poor dog.

    10. A 60-year-old author of erotic fiction from Leeds has a novel approach to adding realism to her work:

    According to the Yorkshire Evening Post:

    "Barbara takes her work so seriously that, once, having got her characters into a literal tangle, she asked her son and his girlfriend if they could just allow her to move their arms and legs about, to see what was and wasn't anatomically possible. As you would expect, they were not all that pleased."

    11. And finally, don't try saying this has never happened to you. At least only "small tools" were used.

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