49 Things That Annoy The Fuck Out Of People From Dundee
Call it "Scumdee" one more time, pal, I dare you.
1. Having to wait ages to see some progress on the redevelopment of the Waterfront.
2. Only for the first thing they unveil to be some really big pavements.
3. Seriously, it's a £1 billion redevelopment project. At the very least they could stick an LED dancefloor on the slabs; jazz it up a bit.
4. Your football team building a really good side just for the Old Firm up to come and poach your best players.
5. Then watching them come back up with their new team to skelp your old team. The cheek.
6. Being called "sheep shaggers".
7. Mainly because that's actually a slur against Aberdonians. Please don't lump us in with our perverse East Coast neighbours.
8. Outsiders who call it "Scumdee." How bloody dare you? That's our word.
9. Having to constantly listen to people from Glasgow go on (and on) about how their city is better.
10. "Oh yes. Please, tell me about the Golden Z again. You have how many H&Ms? Riveting."
11. Also, when someone condescendingly tells you that Dundee is "just a smaller version of Glasgow". Get tae fuck.
12. Every single thing about The Kingsway.
13. Particularly those fucking speed camera vans.
14. Specifically, the £100 fine and three points on your licence because of those fucking speed camera vans. Bastards.
15. Having no gyms in the West End.
16. You probably wouldn't go anyway, but it would be nice to have the option.
17. The takeaways that charge extra to deliver to places outside their "catchment area".
18. Like, Dundee is the size of postage stamp, so how is anything not in their catchment area? Their catchment area should just be All Of Dundee.
19. All the good pubs, restaurants, and bars on Perth Road being hoaching with students during term time, so you can't get a seat.
20. All the good pubs, restaurants, and bars on Perth Road being stone dead and boring when the university is on a break.
21. Not having a Wagamama or a Yo! Sushi. WTF?
22. Again, you probably wouldn't go anyway, but it would be nice to have the option.
23. Not being able to walk down the high street without being pumped for money by fifteen different energy company reps.
24. Not to mention shit teenage buskers. Get a Saturday job like everyone else.
25. The fact that Dennis the Menace is every-fucking-where. His likeness is literally menacing the citizens of Dundee.
26. When someone from outside of Dundee disses The View.
27. When you have to pretend you still like The View.
28. Ending up in Dryburgh and not spying a member of The View.
29. Feeling like you're in The Hunger Games whenever you try to get a parking space in the city centre.
30. Especially because Lidl hoards all the parking spots next to the Overgate Centre like a bloody dragon. A parking dragon.
31. Planning a fun night out with your pals but ending up in Underground.
32. Planning a fun night out with your pals but ending up in the casino.
33. Planning a fun night out with your pals but ending up in Liquid.
34. The fact that Jam Jar's suitcase cocktails come in what looks more like a pirate's chest.
35. One's for stolen doubloons, the other is for clothes or drug money. Get the terminology right Jam Jar, FFS.
36. The fact that everyone and their granny descends on Broughty Ferry on a nice day.
37. Having to spend an astronomical £12 on a taxi back to the city centre from Broughty Ferry because you couldn't get a spot on the beach.
38. Or a table at The Anchor.
39. Or even The Post Office Bar. For god's sake, it's Broughty Ferry, not Brighton.
40. The fact that Dundee taxi drivers seem to think the rules of the road are just a suggestion.
41. That death trap junction at Perth Road and Riverside Drive.
42. Make it a circle, Dundee City Council, you sadistic fucks.
43. The fact that the Cannonball Slide at The Olympia no longer exists.
44. Seriously though, how are today's kids supposed to mildly injure themselves?
45. People from Edinburgh looking down their noses at Dundee.
46. Just because they've got a Wagamama and two Yo! Sushis. They think they're so damn special.
47. Yeah, you've not got Clark's 24-hour bakery though, have you, Edinburgh?
49. You know who should actually be the capital of Scotland? Us, that's who.