ALERT: There is a plague spreading throughout America that is deadlier than any disease known to man.
It's contaminating our beaches...
...and our pools!
EVEN OUR PRESIDENT ISN'T SAFE!
Scientists have been calling this dangerous epidemic "board shorts" and it's even infecting our animal friends.
Luckily, the rest of the world has discovered a cure. American men, say hello to the speedo!
This campagin begins by stating the obvious: speedos are incredibly ~sexy~.
It's VITAL that every American bulge look as pristine as possible.
You like to be supported every now and again so why can't your package have the same treatment?
Give your junk (and your ass) all the help it can get.
Not to mention, you'll be turning heads.
They're also really great at reducing any awful tan lines!
Without all that board short baggage, you'll transform into the ~sexy~ merman you've always wanted to become.
This guy looks happy to fulfill that dream.
It must also be mentioned that if you need to run away for whatever (legal) reason, it's much easier to do so.
Or you can just lay around, I don't care, I'm not the boss of you.
Speedos are a multi-purpose invention.
You can show off your American pride...
...take a nap...
...feel your look...
...drink some wine...
...or literally fly away from every other board short on Earth.
What a packaged deal!
So remember men, rip off those board shorts and get down with your bad speedo self.
