This is Awkwafina. She's a rapper, actor, comedian, and one of many reasons I watched Crazy Rich Asians three times.
Here are 23 of her funniest tweets:
1. On misunderstandings:
TBT THE TIME I GOT A MASSAGE N THOUGHT THE DISPOSABLE PANTIES WAS A SHOWER CAP W A HOLE FOR MY PONY TAIL
2. On ancestry tests:
JUST GOT MY DNA ANCESTRY KIT BACK, I OPENED THE LETTER AND IT WAS A GIANT NEW YEARS DRAGON THAT SAID "SURPRISE, BITCH. YOU ASIAN"
3. On cutting paper:
Remember that one asian girl in school who always had the insane ability to rip paper in a straight line without scissors? I wonder where she at now, what she did w her life and if she found inner peace
4. On sounding your best:
Why is it that the only time I sound confident, assertive and articulate is when I am reciting a 28-digit serial number to an AT&T service rep? I’m out here overpronouncing numbers saying sht like “B AS IN BOY” lmao
5. On finding your purpose:
How can I find purpose in life if I can’t even find the “x” button on ads while playing candy crush
6. On this "Pony" remix:
I juz chugged an entire pamplemousse le croix And burped so deep it sounded like the first note of Ginuwine’s “Pony”
7. On her torso:
My torso so small I’m basically a neck w legs https://t.co/H2k1L6rTff
8. On this sexy dolphin:
I didn’t want to post this but racial prejudice still exists in this world and I would like to make one thing clear: just because we look alike and share the same sounding name, dis fish is not related to me https://t.co/NLABG2E3IG
9. On weed:
LA got me higher than this raccoon
10. On proposals:
Everybody posting these "SHE SAID YES" posts like she would say no. U think she watched Goodfellas 39 times w ur dumbass to say no?
11. On men:
When you ask men to explain: 1. Bitcoin 2. Which PS4 Games Suck 3. China & The Global Economy 4. Black Mirror 5. Why They Didn’t Like Hillary Either https://t.co/4Y4RKAg4Xr
12. On Asian parents:
My grandma just mocked me for having only 27,000 followers on twitter while "Gaga has millions." U literally cannot please Asian parents
13. On messing with wild animals:
Here's an ad for the Awkwafina instagram story, where a lil monkey flexes on me. I only bring the best entertainment 4 u https://t.co/HSYmYI1d5I
14. On gaming:
Token hot gamer girls are: 1. “Not your average girl” bc she plays COD in a bralette while screaming GANGGANG in2 apple earphones 2. Calls you a little bitch for enjoying Little Big Planet 3. Says she’s just fortnite buds with your bf but is actually banging him too
15. On appreciating art:
“Art work? More like Fart work am I right” -me, talking to no one, at every museum
16. On class:
As a middle finger to all the big ass luxurious cars that have disrespected me on the road, my next whip gonna be this lil piece of sht so I can pull ALL the way up in a parking space, making all the big cars MAD bc they THOUGHT they found a spot https://t.co/uFMHCUtYan
17. On realizing things:
Ur parents ever tell u the cops was gonna come if you put the backseat light on then u became an adult and realized that's some bullshit
18. On her bop, "My Vag":
I got recognized at the Verizon Store w my grandma and she asked for a pic w me. My gma literal took out a comb, brushed and fluffed her hair and got in it😂. She then asked the woman if she heard “My Vag” (she didn’t) and then said “My Vag is very silly, watch it on YouTube.”
19. On Costco chicken:
Buying my ticket to Crazy Rich Asians opening day tomorrow, where I will show up at a non-descript theater and recite all of my lines at the screen while eating an entire Cosco chicken. 25 years, baby. Let’s show them how much this matters. 🥠🎉🍾
20. On that one dude:
Always that one dude at kbbq who is suddenly a chef and cooks the meat on his own terms
21. On Asian stereotypes:
Your asian stereotypes are lies because I literally just spent 15 minutes trying to figure out what time 19:06 is. Is it even PM
22. On outfit repeating:
When you calculate exactly who you saw yesterday and how to avoid them at all costs Bc you wanna wear the same exact outfit again
23. And finally, on Lunar New Year:
Last night I wanted to pay tribute to my ancestors for Lunar New Year by making all of my friends take the chinese bus to Atlantic City with a $60 voucher to Harrah’s Casino that we won’t even use but rather just hold on to as we mill about the food court