1. When her Christmas card had a nip slip.
2. When she overslept, then frantically tried to get Ed ready so he could make his flight.
“You want a brown sweater? YOU GOT A BROWN SWEATER!”
4. And then snatched a Drake’s Coffee Cake out of Newman’s hands.
Basically that entire night she was a raging hot mess.
8. When she busted into a fit of laughter at George’s girlfriend’s piano performance, all because of a Pez dispenser.
10. When she lost a boyfriend and a job because of Jujyfruits.
11. When she realized that without a significant other and a job, she had become George.
14. When the steam in the bagel shop got the best of her.
15. When she thought she could run the J. Peterman Catalog.
“It’s a peach! I said, ‘It’s a peach!’”
16. And then realized that she could not and that putting the urban sombrero on the cover was a big mistake.
Who would have thought that something that combines the spirit of old Mexico with a little big city panache would be such a failure? Who?
17. When she tried to put Putumayo out of business…
“Cinco de Mayo! Sales commission, bye bye-o!”
18. Which led to her looking like this.
That explains the rain.
20. When she went to town on Peterman’s $29,000 cake.
And then tried to replace it with an $2.19 Entenmann’s.
21. When she dated her psychiatrist.
Guy was a first-grade Svenjolly…err, Svengali rather.
22. When her ink spill caused Mr. Pitt to look like this:
24. When she went a little too hard with the peach schnapps and spilled the beans about Nina.
Hey, George was the one who gave it to her.
25. When she went hard again and told Jerry (or should I say Jugdish?) about Pinter.
26. And ended up waking up in the morning with a nose ring.
27. When she pretended to reside in apartment 1Q so that she could get flounder delivered.
29. When she most definitely did not have grace.
30. When she thought she had rabies and lashed out at Kramer.
32. When she broke up with a guy for not using an exclamation point.
34. When she stole the mannequin that looked like her.
“You think you can pose me however you want? That’s my ass in your window!”
37. When she lost a button on her shirt and unwittingly showed some major skin to her ex BF.
39. When she got in a catfight with Raquel Welch.
40. When she had to use Mrs. Seinfeld’s sample to pass a urine test because she had eaten poppy seeds.
42. When she had stump troubles.
45. When she was on a plane sandwiched between Puddy and another guy, whom she called:
46. When she was neither Susie nor Suze, but DEFINITELY not Suze.
47. When the Susie story went a little too far, resulting in Elaine delivering the eulogy for a person who never existed.
And people bought it. She was just fortunate to be surrounded by such stupidity.
48. When she had a little too much fun with the Peterman expense account.
49. When she had a makeout sesh at her company Christmas party.
“We made out at the table like our plane was going down!”
50. When she went to great lengths to get her chart back after being denied treatment for her rash.
Elaine, difficult? Get out!
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