We recently asked the BuzzFeed Community to tell us the weirdest thing they've seen as an RA. Here are just a few of their wild stories:
1. The exploding pile of shit:
"One of my residents decided that it would be a good idea to take a shit and put it in the microwave in the communal kitchen. He turned the microwave on for a long time and the shit exploded everywhere. The kitchen was quarantined for weeks and the entire building reeked."
2. The one where the RA loses a finger:
"When I was an RA, I was up late studying with a friend and we heard a commotion coming from upstairs. When we got upstairs, we found one of my fellow RAs screaming and he proceeded to drop a piece of his thumb by our feet. I guess one of the residents got angry at him and slammed their door on his finger. It was a bloody mess."
3. The not-so-secret sex palace:
"I walked into this guy's room and his closet was wide open. Inside were whips, piles of sex toys, and heavy-duty chains all over the floor. There were a bunch of dildos attached to the walls of the closet too. The guy was sitting at his desk speechless because he'd forgotten to shut his closet door before he let me in. We're all into different things, so I just gave him the piece of paper saying he passed and left."
4. The unwelcome boner:
"One night I was woken up at 2 a.m. by one of my residents who had broken the sink in the bathroom. I got up and went to spot the damage, but I left my dorm door unlocked thinking most people were asleep. When I came back to my room, I found a male resident in my bed rocking a massive boner."
5. The DIY Chuck E. Cheese's:
"I once discovered that some of my residents had balled up hundreds of newspapers and basically made a newspaper ball pit. It was deep enough that one of them was trying to hide in it. It was actually pretty hilarious."
—tkgm
6. The hunting incident:
"I was an RA at a school in upstate Michigan where hunting is very popular. I once caught this kid trying to haul a buck they had killed into the stairwell and up to their room."
7. The next-level hamster race:
"I once saw two students racing their hamsters down the hallway. They had a race track, a finish line, and everything. Hamsters aren’t even allowed in the building."
8. The dorm room exorcism:
"The girls on my floor were convinced that ghosts were haunting their rooms. They refused to sleep until a fellow RA and I 'blessed' the place, so we grabbed some 'holy water' and did so. My duty partner and I still laugh about it."
9. The secret pooping incident:
"There was a guy who would poop in the one spot that was hidden from all of our cameras in our very open and spacious lobby. Once we figured out who he was and confronted him about it, his response was, 'I like the way the open air feels on my butt cheeks. Plus, it turns me on so I can have sex with my girlfriend.'
10. The plant thief:
"My first year as an RA I heard loud noises coming from the hallway. I went outside to check and found a trail of leaves. Turns out some of my residents had pulled out a MASSIVE hydrangea bush from the garden outside. We didn't have an elevator so they had to drag it up three flights of stairs."
11. The Witness Protection Program incident:
"My hall is in very high demand and almost always has a huge waitlist. I had a girl come up to me and tell me she was in the Witness Protection Program and that she had to be in my dorm building because it was the 'safest.' Turns out, her parents convinced her to lie to me and we ended up having to get the police involved."
12. The case of the missing toilet:
"My duty partner and I heard a crash come from the wall behind us. We went to check it out, only to find that a toilet had been pulled from the wall of the men's bathroom. The toilet was GONE. Later that night, a girl came up to us and said she woke up to find a toilet in her room filled with empty beer cans and urine. She had left her door unlocked and was just in the wrong place at the wrong time."
13. The innocent anal experiment:
"Late one night I went to brush my teeth in the bathroom and walked in on a resident bent butt-naked over the bathroom sink receiving anal from a random guy. When they noticed me, she ran into a stall and he just spun in circles until I closed the door. I couldn't write them up because I was laughing too hard!"
14. The penis shrine:
"While doing closing room checks, I went into one of my resident's rooms and found a wall adorned with a wire penis and lights in the shape of a giant penis."
15. The interrupted sex incident:
"During room inspections once, my RA partner and I knocked on a resident's door, and a girl’s voice told us to come right on in. We walked in to find two people having sex, but they just lay there, naked, while we completed the room inspection."
16. The army of squirrels:
"During room checks over winter break, I entered a resident's room to find an army of taxidermy squirrels. There were probably 30 of them. They were all holding tiny fake weapons and were arranged on the floor facing the door."
17. The littlest rat funeral:
"Once, I sent an RA I was training to go knock on a girl's door and see if she had gotten rid of her unapproved pet rat. The trainee asked me to come up to the room and see something. When I got there, the student and her friends were dressed in all black. The rat had died and we had interrupted its funeral."
18. And finally, the strangest toilet paper ever:
"I had a resident complain about his toilet not working, so I went up to his room to check it out and noticed something strange in the toilet bowl. He told me that he had run out of toilet paper and had used a deflated basketball to wipe instead."
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.