1.
Which idiot called it the 'Smoking Room' and not 'Chamber of Cigarettes' ?!!
2.
Haven't watched Bombay Velvet, but that's okay because I touched a rat at Dadar station once and it seems like the same experience.
3.
My bad tweets are just loyalty tests.
4.
Me talking about my crush when he isn't looking
5.
Aliens: We're going to highjack your planet. Indians: Humare paas Telebrands ka Nazar Raksha Kawach hai.
6.
Just did the hand-out-of-taxi-to-feel-the-rain thing from Wake Up Sid and cabbie yelled at me saying "PEHLE BOLNE KA NA RIGHT LENA HAI"
7.
Of course God exists. Too bad he's busy showering his blessings on people who are sneezing.
8.
I put the :/ in http:/
9.
If you commit a crime 90 times, you will only get caught 45 times. Because: Sin 90 = Cot 45
10.
Lets take a moment to acknowledge the oddity of Akshay Kumars shaved armpits in this movie.Boat party anyone?
11.
"Tu bahar mil." ~ Schrödinger's cat
12.
India's national food should be Kasam.
13.
Now that we're married, it isn't just herpes,, its OURpes.
14.
Maine bola pneumonia ka p silent hai, usne pyar ka p bhi silent kar diya. #friendzoned
15.
Standing up for the national anthem in theaters after I've comfortably settled in recliner seats is slowly killing my patriotism.
16.
Arnab Goswami is what happens when a CapsLock key comes to life.
17.
This lizard is on the wall in the same position for the 3 days now. Either it's pretending to be dead or my ex installed a funshaped webcam.
18.
Everybody's a Prabhudeva if you put a bee in their chaddis
19.
Why are pizza slices shaped that way ?? Do they expect our mouths to get wider after each bite ??
20.
Typos. Because Nazar na lage aise mindblowing tweet ko.
21.
But pens hasn't even taken us out to dinner first!
22.
If you take the words 'Daaru', 'Gaadi' and 'Kudi' out of Punjabi songs, all you would have to listen to is 'oho x10'.
23.
When I die I want to donate my body to science. Science: I have a boyfriend.
24.
Its really cute how girls only mention their age in their bio till they're 19. After that, its all 'voracious reader' & 'dog lover'.
25.
Disappointed to learn that ‘landlady’ isn’t the opposite of a mermaid.
26.
#MySalaryIsLike God. Not seen, not heard, and often felt for its absence.
27.
Doctor : where does it hurt? Me : *shows him tweets with 0 favs and 0 RTs* here
28.
Whatever, ink cartridges, STOP WHINING AND START WORKING AGAIN, WE ARE ALL EMPTY INSIDE.
29.
"Truth or dare?" "Truth" "What's your credit card number?"
30.
Sorry, your password must contain the names of eight rare minerals, thirteen types of pasta and the full lyrics of Mental manadhil.
31.
There is vegetarian and then there is "I won't kiss you on the mouth because you had butter chicken last week" vegetarian.
32.
Ordered something known as a Pizzette, got four of Usha Uthup's bindis instead.
33.
*stares into the abyss* *abyss pretends to do something on its phone*
34.
You don't know what maternal is until you've seen me nurse a grudge.
35.
Main Roti rehti hoon, wo Atta hi nahi..
36.
If I changed my twitter name to 'Dreams', very few Indian kids would ever follow me.