We went to Shape House, "an urban sweat lodge" where Selena herself goes! This is where our sweat journey began.
They served us fancy Kangen Alkaline water and had motivational chalkboards.
Lara's thoughts: Going into this I was kind of nervous, honestly. I'm not a HUGE fan of sweating unless I am doing something to earn it. So just lying down sweating seemed like my worst nightmare. I assumed it would be experiencing pre-menopausal symptoms early.
Nina's thoughts: I was pretty excited about this once I heard all the supposed benefits. Glowing skin? Burning calories while doing nothing? Sign me the fuck up. I don't really enjoy being warm but if I'm going to come out looking like a new person, it's probably worth it.
They recommend wearing an all-cotton getup, which they also provide in the form of orange T-shirts and gray sweatpants that we ~totally rocked~.
The entire atmosphere felt sacred. Everything was dark and orange-hued, the rooms smelled heavily of incense, and everyone whispered, even in the lobby. Maybe Selena whispers through all her songs because she's trying to recapture magic of Shape House!
Lara's thoughts during the sweat session: I WAS SO DAMN HOT. They set me up in my burrito and within five minutes my back was soaked. I was so hot, I didn't know how I was going to last another 50 minutes. But I also felt incredibly relaxed. I mean, how can you not? You literally just lie in a blanket and watch TV. That's my dream.
Nina's thoughts during the sweat session: OK, it starts out warm, but it's not craaazy hot. But then 15 or 20 minutes in, they really crank it up. This thing feels like a combination oven/body bag. I kept sticking my hand out to to get water so I could remember what cool air felt like. For the last five minutes, every time I heard someone walk by I prayed that they would release me from this agony. I could feel my heart beating faster, but I'm not sure if that was because the heat was making my body work harder or if I was scared I was gonna die.
Here is a bonus pic of Nina, wrapped like a lil' sweat burrito.
Afterward we were DRENCHED.
They let us get our bearings in the Relax room with tea, orange slices, and Buddha.
Lara's thoughts afterward: I felt pretty awesome after sweating it out. I really did have endorphins. At first it's just extreme happiness at no longer being so damn hot, and then you start to feel incredibly relaxed yet energized. I was so ready to do things after I got out! I was going to clean my apartment and go through all my old clothes. I was going to grocery shop AND cook! I mean, I felt like I could conquer the world. As far as looks: I looked like I had just worked out, and I felt like it too.
Nina's thoughts afterward: I wouldn't say I felt "stoned on endorphins" as one person said we might, but I did feel good. That may be because I was just glad that I wasn't being slowly cooked to death anymore. This treatment left me 10 times sweatier than a workout, but I didn't feel 10 times as tired. After eating some orange slices and drinking tea, I felt fresher, despite looking disgusting. The whole process is definitely stimulating, and I did feel better than when I went in, but that could be because I got to just relax and watch Netflix for a while.
Are we glowing? Do you even recognize us? Are we Selena Gomez yet?
Note: Consult with your doctor before trying out an urban sweat lodge like Shape House.