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21 Questions Glasgow Has For The Rest Of The World

Ye dinnae understand us? Och, gie's peace. That's pure mince.

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1. Why do ice cream vans in other cities only sell ice cream?

Instagram: @miketurner93 / Via

Where else are you going to get your glass bottle of Tizer and packet of Mayfair Lights at 9pm on a Baltic Tuesday night? The shops? Naw, mate.

4. Why do you pretend you can't understand us?

Instagram: @the

Och, gie's peace, that's pure mince! Yeez are aw talkin' pish.


7. Why are other cities' subway systems so bloody complicated?

Instagram: @laviedeaaron

It doesn't get any simpler than the trusty Clockwork Orange.

8. Why don't you take full advantage of "taps aff" weather?

Instagram: @kendobain13

Anything over 10°C is considered summer in Glasgow, so why the fuck are folk in Spain, Portugal, and Italy stoating about in coats?


9. And why does everyone flee at the first sign of rain?

Instagram: @micawyse / Via

You know it's just a wee bit of water, right? It never stops us having a nice day out.

10. Why do people in other cities take themselves so seriously?

Giphy / Channel 4

We're witty, we're aware of our flaws, and we're absolutely great at taking the piss out of ourselves, unlike *cough* Londoners.

11. Why are you so bad at flirting?

Instagram: @clairebarclaydraws

Maybe it's our charm and unparalleled wit, but all we need to ask is "are ye dancin'?" Next thing we know, we're married with three weans.

12. How can so many of you go out and enjoy yourself without getting totes steamboats?

Instagram: @solis_aeterni

You can keep your continental café culture and dinky glasses of wine, thanks: Getting "mad wae it" is definitely a prerequisite of having a good time.


13. Why is everyone else in the world so rubbish at gigs?

Instagram: @gingo67

There's a reason so many international bands believe we're the best crowd in the world. Four words: Here we fucking go.

15. While we're on the subject: Why don't you use insults as terms of endearment?

Instagram: @kayleymac

Forget "bae": "I pure love you, ya bawbag" sounds much more sincere.


17. Why do you think Edinburgh is better?

Instagram: @valerianesevrain

Aye, they've got gorgeous architecture and a castle perched on a fucking volcano but come on, we've got, em, Leo the Silent Raver. Nae contest.

18. What's with the unprecedented lack of Irn-Bru?

Instagram: @samdunscombe

And how do people in other counties cure their hangovers without this ginger nectar? Seriously, guys, you don't know what you're missing. Get it sorted.

20. Why don't people in other cities decorate their historical statues with traffic cones?

Instagram: @tattoo9999uk

What's wrong with you all?

21. And, most importantly, why would you want to live anywhere else but here?

Instagram: @kenye_east

The evidence is clear to see, so you might as well admit it: Glasgow's miles better.