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    21 Questions Glasgow Has For The Rest Of The World

    Ye dinnae understand us? Och, gie's peace. That's pure mince.

    1. Why do ice cream vans in other cities only sell ice cream?

    2. Why aren't all sausages square?

    3. And FFS, where are all the tattie scones?

    4. Why do you pretend you can't understand us?

    5. Yet you simultaneously think we have the sexiest accent. How does that work?

    6. Why do you have so many different names for the slice on the end of a loaf, and why are they all wrong?

    7. Why are other cities' subway systems so bloody complicated?

    8. Why don't you take full advantage of "taps aff" weather?

    9. And why does everyone flee at the first sign of rain?

    10. Why do people in other cities take themselves so seriously?

    11. Why are you so bad at flirting?

    12. How can so many of you go out and enjoy yourself without getting totes steamboats?

    13. Why is everyone else in the world so rubbish at gigs?

    14. Why are non-Glaswegians so shite at swearing?

    15. While we're on the subject: Why don't you use insults as terms of endearment?

    16. And why are your comebacks rotten too?

    17. Why do you think Edinburgh is better?

    18. What's with the unprecedented lack of Irn-Bru?

    19. And why isn't the mighty Munchy Box available worldwide?

    20. Why don't people in other cities decorate their historical statues with traffic cones?

    21. And, most importantly, why would you want to live anywhere else but here?