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What Your Facebook Post Should Have Said

Facebook is a lying little hoe.

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Facebook, meet Reality...

Reality: After having a twenty minute tantrum because there were no chocolate chips and dropping her effing chocolate cone in my Kate Spade bag, my devil child finally passed out. Legit the days I wish I used a condom.

Reality: Had a huge fight with my boyfriend and we broke up because he is a selfish prick who calls me fat and makes me cry. Then he bought me flowers cuz he was sorry. Which I threw out. After instagramming them, obvs.

Reality: Just stalked Tarrantino on set and caught 20 seconds of shaky iPhone footage of Al Pacino leaving his trailer. Flipped me the bird. Probably should have stayed in Wichita.

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