Weekends In Your Late 20s, As Told By The Golden Girls

How did I suddenly become old?

When I was 21, someone would mention going out on a Friday and I'd be like...

But now I'm all...

Friday rolls around, I put on my sweats, pour some red wine and bang out some Candy Crush for a couple hours. But then I run out of lives.

So I decide to check facebook and see what everyone is up to. But every status I read, I'm just like...

Ryan Gosling on TV? Don't mind if I do...

Catch a little Teen Mom, listen to Leah say, "Me and Jeremy is..." for the fifth time and scream at the TV...

So Saturday my friends suggest drinks and I'm like...FINE.

But as soon as a techno song comes on, college bitches go crazy and I'm just standing there...

I just wanna go up to one of them, so young and so full of life, and be like...

Instead I just end up standing in the middle of the dancefloor staring at them...

So I slide up to the bar and check out the guy situation...

Start pounding shots of tequila...

Throw in a shot or two of Goldschlager and I'm back out there...

Fast forward to 2 am...

I end up crying myself to sleep...

And the next morning without fail...

So the next time my friend suggests we go out on the weekend...

Because just the thought of going to the club...