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26 Stages Of Having An Absolute Ripper Of A Wank On Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day, hand.

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1. Once again, that horrible time of year has snuck up on you: Valentine’s Day.

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2. And there's no one to share it with.

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3. It doesn't help that every couple is way more affectionate during this time.

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4. And they ask you if you're ok.

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5. You then realise how you're going to spend your night...

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6. You inform your roommates not to come into your room...

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7. When they ask you what for, you do the super secret signal, that only men will understand.

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8. You get the necessities.

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9. And... some other stuff if you want to spoil yourself.

10. You go to your favourite website...

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11. And away you go!

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12. WHO NEEDS RELATIONSHIPS?!

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13. WHO NEEDS COMMITMENT?!

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14. Obviously your roommate didn't listen and they walk in and you're just like:

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15. Once they leave, you get back to it!

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16. Furiously!

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17. You try and hold it!

18. And before you know it...

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19. It is over.

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20. Best 30 seconds ever!

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21. Immediately after, you think to yourself:

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22. And what you were looking at suddenly isn't as hot.

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23. You leave your room and your roommates look at you in shame.

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24. But that's all good, because of the amount of money you saved by staying in.

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25. Remember, there's always next year.

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26. Until then... happy Valentine's Day, hand.