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Guys Answer The Hard Questions Women Have About Boners

Warning: Includes awesome GIFs of triumphant boners.

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Three BuzzFeed writers who get boners on the reg decided to answer some questions raised about boners.
Nick Wray for BuzzFeed

Three BuzzFeed writers who get boners on the reg decided to answer some questions raised about boners.

1. Does it hurt when you have to tuck your boner into your pants?

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Brett: I think that depends if it's SUPER hard... AND it depends on the pants. The jeans tuck can hurt, but the sweatpants or shorts tuck, not so much.

Nick: It does. It's just super awkward if you do it and forget to wear a shirt though.

Rob: It can, depends how hard it is and what you’re tucking it into.

2. Does it always grow to the same size?

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Brett: I definitely think that there are there stages. 1) Flaccid 2) Slightly hard 3) SUPER hard. Not a ton of in-between in my experience.

Nick: Ditto Brett.

Rob: I guess it depends how hard you are. I’d say there’s like 90%, 100% and 110% for those really special moments.

3. Is your penis extra sensitive when you have a boner?

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Brett: Everything is pretty toughened up. You can hit that thing around a bit. But the tip is!

Nick: It's probably the same.

Rob: No? But also yes if in the right places.

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4. Does it always point toward the same direction?

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Brett: I mean... I think so? Kind of? The general direction is up. I'd say Stage 1: Down. Stage 2: Out. Stage 3: Up.

Nick: Yep.

Rob: Yes.

5. Do you ever feel self-conscious about your boner?

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Brett: Oh, of course. I mean especially in high school. Although jeans are a blessing in boner hiding. Ever since I've worn my jeans my boner self-consciousness has nose dived.

Nick: If I'm not wearing jeans then yes.

Rob: Only if you have one while on the move. AKA "The Traveller."

6. Do guys ever talk to each other about their boners?

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Brett: Nope. I really don't think so. Maybe on a really rare occasion... like right now.

Nick: I’m not against talking about my boner to bros, it's just weird talking to them while having a boner.

Rob: My boner. Your boner. Other people’s boners. It’s all up for discussion.

7. What’s the quickest way to get rid of a boner?

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Brett: I mean, I've tried hitting the thing around a bit like a frustrated child, but that never works. I think all you can really do is ride it out. That wasn't an innuendo, I swear.

Nick: Having an absolute ripper of a wank.

Rob: Why would you want to?

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8. Which type of boner is best?

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Brett: I'd say Stage 2: Kinda Hard. I mean stage 3 is great if it's ~in use~ but otherwise, it's just a pain. At least when you're slightly hard you're capable of daily tasks: Peeing, putting on pants, being in public, etc.

Nick: Any boner. I'm just happy that my dick works.

Rob: They all have a special place in my heart, but if I had to choose I’d say somewhere between a bit hard and super hard.

9. Which is the least convenient type of boner to get?

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Brett: THE SUPER HARD ONE. That thing is a wild untameable beast.

Nick: Just before a speech... or at church.

Rob: The traveller.

10. How is it possible to get hard after you finish?

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Brett: This doesn't happen for me that often TBH. You need a little recovery time. But hey, sometimes the lil' guy surprises you.

Nick: Give it a couple of minutes. It won't be as triumphant, but the when is the sequel ever as good?

Rob: Like your favourite band’s comeback tour: It might return but it won’t be the same.

11. Do you finish every single time you get a boner?

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Brett: Absolutely not. I wish. In a perfect world.

Nick: I get like seven boners a day, so no, that would be impossible.

Rob: No one has that much time.

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12. What’s your favourite word for boners?

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Brett: "Hard-on" is the usual go-to. "Boner" is pretty classic. "Popping a chub" has always been funny to me. Same with "willy."

Nick: A “stiffy” is what I called it as a kid.

Rob: Just a boner.

13. When people talk about average dick size, does that mean with or without a boner?

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Brett: Oh, definitely WITH boner -- we're giving ourselves as much length as we possibly can. I've even jammed the ruler into my waist a bit. Not that I've measured or anything... that'd be weird.

Nick: Definitely with a boner. I need all the length I can get.

Rob: With. Always go for the higher number.

14. Can you break your penis when you have a boner?

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Brett: Oh my god, let's hope to never find out. I know there's no ~actual~ bone in there, but I'm pretty sure it can still break.

Nick: JESUS FUCK, THAT WOULD SUCK!

Rob: You can, but I think I’m basing that on an episode of The Drew Carey Show I saw once.

15. Which is more painful: getting kicked in the dick with or without a boner?

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Brett: Are you missing the balls entirely with said kick? I hope. I'd probably say it'd be more painful with a boner since there's some resistance.

Nick: Everything hurts when it's a dick kick.

Rob: I’ll take neither, please.

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16. Do certain fabrics affect your boner?

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Brett: I used to have these really cheap boxers that were really tightly knitted that would hurt when I had a super hard boner, but that's not really the fabric's fault.

Nick: I don’t think I’ve ever tested this. How are you guys coming up with these questions?

Rob: Only the fabric of time.

17. If you’re uncircumcised, do you prefer to look at your penis while it’s hard or flaccid?

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Brett: Hard, I think. It smoothens out a bit. When it's not hard it kinda looks like it's wearing a wrinkly turtleneck.

Nick: Hard for sure. A flaccid uncircumcised dick just looks like a sad kid wearing a weird beanie.

Rob: Hard I guess. But they’re all beautiful in their own way.

18. Is it common for you to have a boner and not even realize it?

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Brett: Unless you're asleep, I'm pretty sure you're ALWAYS aware when you have a boner.

Nick: I’m always wearing jeans, so no. I feel the pain.

Rob: How would I know?

19. Does cold water make your boner go away?

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Brett: I think if you already have it, it doesn't necessarily go away. But it certainly prevents it from going anywhere if it's flaccid. It caves into itself like a shy turtle.

Nick: Cold water is my penis’s worst nightmare. It’s just adding insult to injury.

Rob: Again, why would anyone try this?