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21 Problems Only Guys With A Big Ol' Dick Understand

It's hard out here...

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1. When you sit on the toilet and at least 70% of it touches the water, so you have to use more toilet paper because now your dick is wet.

2. When you're doing jumping jacks and it smacks you in the chest and you have to check if you broke a rib because your dick is so massive, even when flaccid.

3. When you walk into Starbucks and someone accidentally orders a "grande penis" instead of a blueberry scone because they were looking at your large member.

4. When you have to uptuck using the collar of your shirt.

5. When you scratch your ankle but end up scratching your penis.

6. When Nicki Minaj says it's too big.

7. When you're trying to leave footprints in the sand, but your huge dick leaves a long trail in the middle of each print.

8. When all of your friends ask to see it because dicks this size are fascinating to everyone.

9. When you try to throw it over your shoulder like a continental soldier, but the weight is too much and leaves you with a bruise.

10. When you have to stand in the hallway just to pee.

11. When you're sitting at the table and someone accidentally kicks you and they're like, "Oh, sorry, did I just kick you? I thought that was the table," and you have to explain that they actually kicked your penis and that it did hurt because it's a penis.

12. When you can't wear shorts.

13. When everyone's like, "Oh, hey, Jon Hamm" when you don't even look like Jon Hamm.

14. When people always look at you when the word "tripod" is mentioned, which is not that often because no one uses tripods anymore, but it's still kind of rude because you're a person, you know?

15. When you're single and all your friends suggest you get into porn, but you're just trying to find someone special. Plus, they know you're camera shy, so that's not even a helpful suggestion.

16. When you go to CVS to buy condoms and they point you in the direction of the tarps, which are not lubricated and also don't come with spermicide.

17. When you can't play hide-and-seek with your buddies because your large shaft is nearly impossible to disguise, even though you're good at picking clever spots.

18. When you have to take the stairs because the combined weight of you and your ginormous tallywacker exceeds the elevator weight limit.

19. When you try to wrap it around your leg, like an anaconda squeezing the life out of its prey, but that hurts, so you don't.

20. When you want to wear sweatpants because it's a bit brisk out, and sweatpants are super comfy, but you can't because your dick will move around too much and create an outline for all to see.

21. And when you tell people online that you have a big ol' dick, but no one believes you because that's ridiculous and also made up.

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