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"I'm Never Telling Her I Lied About The Strip Club": 20 Husbands Anonymously Confessed The Secrets They're Keeping From Their Spouses

"At the start of our marriage, my wife's parents offered me thousands of dollars to divorce her, so that she could move back in with them. I said no and have made dozens of excuses not to see them since (it's been six years)."

Last week, we asked married men in the BuzzFeed Community about the biggest secrets they're keeping from their spouses.

And some of their responses are truly shocking and heartbreaking. Here's what they had to say:

1. "I have been in love with two women for the past three years and living a double life. I'm tired of it and can't decide what I should do. Either way, I admit I am not a good man for my actions. Though I have been married for 23 years, the second love just happened, and I don't know what to do. My wife knows of this person, and I cut off the affair for a while. But she and I just can't stay away from each other. I'm lost."


A man with his head in his hand

2. "I have four grown kids from a previous relationship. We have been together for four years, and she has no idea."


A couple embracing

3. "A friend of my wife's contacted me privately to meet for coffee. Silly me, I thought her friend wanted to arrange a surprise party or something. Instead, she informed me that my wife was having an affair and with whom. I didn’t blow things up because my stepson was about six months from graduating high school, and I didn’t want to ruin the memories of his senior year. Hence the secret: I knew she was having an affair and that I would divorce her right after graduation."

"I enjoyed six months of being quiet and passive-aggressive while preparing myself for the big day. Although the actual moment I told her I knew about the affair was anti-climatic, I enjoyed being prepared while she scrambled. And the dude dumped her a few months after we split up."


A man looking in a box

4. "Many of my wife's friends throughout the years have crossed the line or hinted at a willingness to in moments that she's not around. Unfortunately, I've had moments of weakness, and I have taken two of them up on it. Both times ended up carrying on over long periods of time, and I had to end them both due to the women getting too bold. I know I've not been happy, but this eats at me sometimes."


People having coffee and laughing

5. "We'd been married less than a year, and she asked, 'Did you go to a strip club for your bachelor party?' I looked at her, surprised, and said, 'No, absolutely not. We went to a couple different bars, the guys got me really drunk, took me home, and I passed out.' Truth is, they totally took me to a strip club and paid for me to get a private dance. I behaved myself, especially because I'm sure the place was covered in cameras, but there's no way I'm ever telling her I lied."


A stripper onstage

6. "I deeply regret getting married. I only proposed because I knew that’s what she wanted, and at the time, I was scared to lose her. Now, I often think about what my life would be like if I stayed single."


A married couple on their wedding day

7. "That I desperately want to experience sex with a man. I masturbate to gay porn more than I do to straight."


A couple embracing and kissing

8. "My wife's parents are your typical 'helicopter parents' and have always been protective of her. At the start of our marriage, they offered me thousands of dollars to divorce her, so that she could move back in with them. I said no and have made dozens of excuses not to see them since (it's been six years)."


A mother kissing her daughter on the forehead

9. "We have threesomes every so often with a sexy coworker friend of mine, but my wife doesn’t know I give the coworker gifts and take her out sometimes. So, basically, we’re her secret 'sugar couple.'"


A couple looking at each other and smiling

10. "I take care of all of the bills, and we both get an equal allowance. She believes we are still making house and vehicle payments; however, we don't actually have any outstanding debts. I feel that it keeps her budget in check by believing we have these monthly obligations. She would go on a spending frenzy if she knew what was in our savings accounts."


A woman with shopping bags

11. "I have been married for many years. I have never told my spouse that I still have random lunch dates with my ex (who I was in a relationship with for about four years before them). I always try to not text my ex, but I just can't live without knowing how they are doing and how life is. My ex is married, as well."


Two men smiling at each other

12. "I have cheated on my wife several times, but only after I found out she had cheated on me. I have never confronted her about her cheating; I just used it as a guilt-free chance to cheat on her. I haven't been able to stop since."


A couple engaging in sexual activity in bed

13. "That I'm bi. Many straight women don't want bi men because there are a lot of stereotypes (that bisexuals are more likely to cheat in relationships or look for threesomes). I am monogamous and love only my wife. I know from past relationships that if I make my sexuality an issue, it'll blow up into a big deal."

"My ideal coming out would be if one of our kids was questioning their sexuality, I'd be like, 'So what? Your dad's bi! What's the big deal? We love you.'"


A man looking sad as his wife places her hand on his shoulder

14. "That I cheated on my then-wife during our marriage. But when she confessed to me that she'd cheated, I let her take the blame for the end of our marriage. I wanted to tell her because she was ridden with guilt, but I never did. I’m now married to the woman I had the affair with, and we have two kids. I still think about my ex all the time."


A couple on the porch with their kids

15. "That I merely settled for her out of fear of having to support myself on my own and staying single for the rest of my life."


A couple cooking together

16. "I pop a few weed edibles if I know we are going to have sex that evening. We live in a state where it is legal, and she knows I indulge on the weekend and is 100% cool with it. I find that weed enhances sex for me, and now, I much prefer it that way. I haven’t told her because I don’t want her to think something is wrong with her. Nothing is; I find her incredibly attractive and love sex with her either way. That said, weed makes it that much better."

"It’s kind of like adding cheese to a burger; it’s good without, but it takes it to a whole new level."


A couple in bed together

17. "My wife had an affair a few years back, and we were headed to divorce. We went to counseling and are still together, mainly because she had collected all our friends to her side, and I don’t have any living family to lean on. My secret is that I do not love her anymore, and if I wasn’t afraid of raising our three kids alone, I would be gone."


A couple playing with their kids

18. "I fantasize about someone else during sex."


A couple kissing in bed

19. "For the past five years, I have been secretly stashing away money from my wife because it is clear that when our kids leave for college, it will also be the end of our marriage."


A couple looking away from each other

20. And finally, "Back when my wife and I were first dating, she took me home to meet the family. When she introduced me to her sister, I realized that she and I had actually had a one night stand years before. We tried to play it cool, like we were strangers. I have never told my wife, and I assume her sister has never told her either. No good would come of that conversation."


Sisters smiling and holding each other

Do you have any secrets you're keeping from a significant other? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.