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    Posted on Jul 28, 2017

    Do Not Even Open This Post If You Aren't Fluent In Valley Girl

    No, literally, apparently no one else can understand us.

    1. When you say "I can not," what you actually mean is "What I am being faced with is too stupid for words."


    Of course you CAN. You're effing amazing.

    2. Thanks to the fucking Kardashians, people associate your accent with a tragic piece of pop culture...


    ...When actually, you're just from Calabasas, or Northridge, or Huntington Beach, or whatever.

    3. You know that abbreviating random words would save time the world lots of time if everyone else would just catch on already.

    New World Pictures

    Like...ser. So obnox.

    4. You realize that people associate your voice with being a bitch, but it's not your fault.


    It's like resting bitch voice. It's a thing.

    5. It's super annoying when people try to imitate you because they never put their "likes" in the right place.


    "Oh, like, my god, you're a total valley like, girl."

    There's a method to this madness, and you're butchering it, tbh.

    6. There is no question that insults are best created by smashing two unrelated words together.

    Comedy Central

    Freak machine, bitch buffet, kotex sandwich, stuff like that.

    7. Of course you recognize UGGGGGGGGH as a full sentence.


    This also goes for "I mean..." and "I just..."

    8. When you're around hometown people, your voice goes up at least 2 octaves and your mouth goes turbo.


    9. You do actually know the literal meaning of the word literal.


    You also understand the concept that language shifts, changes, and develops. Take the historical definition of gay, for example.

    10. Uptalk? Generally has more to do with the intelligence factor of the person you're talking to than your own confidence.


    You've got an IQ prerequisite on firm statements, OK?

    11. And seriously? You're thinking of setting a python loose on the next person who says the words "vocal fry."


    I'll fry your vocals, twat basket.

    12. Hyperbole is your bitch, Bitch.

    New World Pictures

    (read: Beh-tch.)

    13. People in general seem surprisingly cool with telling you that you sound stupid.



    14. But you know that someone judging your intelligence based on your regional dialect says more about them than you.


    15. Oh, and you can obviously tell when someone is just smiling and nodding because they didn't understand what you said. You just smile and nod back because fuck 'em, amIright?


    May they gag on a spoon, hard.

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