1. Giving birth is the most painful/crazy/amazing/weird thing you will ever do.
2. Things happen during pregnancy, labor, and delivery that defy even your wildest dreams.
3. Like, OMG can we talk about mucus plugs? Did you even know that was a thing before you were pregnant?
4. Or like, that your options for pain management during labor include sticking a needle into your spine and mastering hypnotherapy?
5. Being in labor is like being in The Matrix. The reality in which you were not in infinite pain has been shattered.
6. There are not enough pillows in the world to sleep comfortably while pregnant.
It's actually a really cruel joke on someone who is about to have a newborn.
7. Sniss happens.
8. You painstakingly create a playlist for the delivery room only to find yourself screaming for utter silence.
9. You know the joy of lightning crotch for weeks on end.
10. Nothing sends you into a rage faster than the words: "Have you had that baby yet?"
11. Strangers will touch your body all NBD.
12. People start talking about your body like it's public domain.
13. Afterbirth isn't just a clever name.
14. Also, cankles.
15. Pretty much everything makes you want to barf.
16. No matter how you deliver, at some point after that baby is born you are going to have to poop, and it is going to suck.
17. Also things rip. People don't like to talk about that, do they?
18. More people have seen your vagina during this pregnancy than all four years of college combined.
19. Still, somehow, it's all worth it.
