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Parents

Pick Some Lies To Tell Your Kid And We'll Tell You How Bad You're Fucking Them Up

You DO have a therapy fund for them, right?

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  1. <br />Your toddler gets a boner (happens) and wants to know what's up. Your response?
    baona/Getty Images

    Pun yes intended – obviously – how could I not.

    Correct
    Incorrect
    "Your penis just works like a cuckoo clock!"
    Correct
    Incorrect
    "Want a snack?"
    Correct
    Incorrect
    "You have a sword in your soul. You are the chosen one."
    Correct
    Incorrect
    "Blood is rushing to your penis causing it to become erect."
  2. Your 7-year-old wakes up and wants to know why you and your spouse are naked in the living room.
    SIphotography/Getty Images
    Correct
    Incorrect
    "We're helping each other get our jammies on!"
    Correct
    Incorrect
    "We're cleaning and didn't want to get our clothes dirty."
    Correct
    Incorrect
    "This is a dream. In this world there are no clothes."
    Correct
    Incorrect
    "You were in our bed and we got really horny."
  3. You're coming up with a plan to cut down on that dreaded SCREEN TIME.<br />Is it:
    SIphotography/Getty Images
    Correct
    Incorrect
    "The internet stops working after 20 minutes."
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Show them <i>THE RING.</i>
    Correct
    Incorrect
    "iPads rot your brain. Like, it will start to fall out your ears."
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Put a lock code on their device.
  4. Your carpool introduced your kid to your least favorite station. Your damage control looks like:
    SIphotography/Getty Images
    Correct
    Incorrect
    "Who sings 'Side to Side'? That's Haim – I'll buy you their album."
    Correct
    Incorrect
    "That's their only song. They died. Sry."
    Correct
    Incorrect
    "Well, honey, Janine just has really terrible taste in music."
    Correct
    Incorrect
    "I don't know her."
  5. Now your kid wants to know what it means when Ed Sheeran sings "I'm in love with your body."
    liza5450/Getty Images
    Correct
    Incorrect
    "It means your body is really strong and he's jealous!"
    Correct
    Incorrect
    "Lust and bar hookups."
    Correct
    Incorrect
    "Maybe he's singing to an ocean, which is a BODY of water."
    Correct
    Incorrect
    "The person he's singing about doesn't have a head".
 
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