In May, Reddit user u/VastPurpleSky asked, "Now that you've grown up, what did your parents do that you now realize was bad parenting?" And Reddit users responded in grand fashion. This time, our BuzzFeed audience decided to answer the question, and it's clear that no parent is perfect.
Please be advised that some submissions have been edited due to length and/or clarity.
This post includes topics that may be upsetting for some.
1.
"Your kid is not there to listen to marital issues or their problems with family members. My parents did this to me and it was too much. It gave me a strained view of my family, because I heard all the details."
2.
"Noting the presence of every queer or queer-presenting person noticeable in the area and making mean-spirited comments about them, like 'You're not a man, girl' or 'Why do they have to act like women?' It caused bisexual me, my pansexual sister, and my asexual sister to hide our sexuality until our 20–30s."
3.
"My mom always compared me to my sister and made it very clear that she was the favorite. She treated us unequally, and to this day, I am still extremely jealous of my sister and resent the love she gets from my mother."
4.
"My parents should have divorced when I was a kid, instead they separated and got back together three times. We had to move each time, and I got a front-row seat to their constant fighting. They finally divorced when I was 17, and by then I had severe anxiety and separation issues that I still haven’t completely resolved. All in the name of having a 'traditional' family."
5.
"Even though I had to only clean every other day if I left dishes in the sink at night, my grandmother would wake me up with a spanking in the middle of the night. As an adult I've developed anxiety, and if the house isn't cleaned it brings on a whole anxiety attack."
6.
"My mom always told me she loved me and was proud of me, except when she was mad at me. She made me feel like if I didn't do everything perfectly she wouldn't love me anymore."
7.
"Even though my mother was a stay-at-home mom, I was nothing more than a cook, maid, and babysitter for my four younger siblings. I was blamed for ruining the life she could have had since I came 11 months after they married. My parents had no business having ANY children, let alone five."
8.
"My mom is really snarky and talked down about any boyfriend, job idea, my hairstyles, clothes, etc. I carved my own path and have been paying for it ever since. They didn’t even come to my wedding. It hurts. It has seriously, seriously messed with my inner-self because I am chock-full of guilt, self-criticism, badgering, hesitance, talking myself out of plans, etc."
9.
"Telling me to 'suck it in' any time my photo was going to be taken when I was a child. Now, I'm super sensitive to any body criticisms or food discussions."
10.
"If I told anything to my family in confidence, it would be weaponized against me later. Now I refuse to tell them anything. Also as an adult, I would call myself, 'the ugly little gremlin child.' Finally one day I told myself I need to be kinder and wondered where my nasty nickname even came from. Later on, I was in the kitchen and heard my mom call out, 'What are you doing up there you gremlin?'"
11.
"I am Hispanic and from a huge family. On my father's side, the family trait is kinky, curly hair with a darker complexion. On my mother's side, the trait is red hair, freckles, and a pale complexion. The 'light-skinned' kids were always pointed out as the 'favorites'... this was insanely disgusting. The complex that it gave us all is irreversible. It caused tension with the cousins where it did not need to be. Whenever the "color" of our skin is mentioned at a family get-together we shut it down, you will not compare us or make one of us feel inferior, the trauma ends here."
12.
"My whole life, my parents would get in the way of anyone telling me I was pretty, or beautiful, or basically anything but good/smart. Like they'd say, 'No, it'll go to her head, don't say that to her.' I grew up with straight As and ended up in a relationship with the first asshole who told me I was pretty. Then stayed with him for five years as our relationship deteriorated because I didn't think I was attractive enough to get another boyfriend. You can be smart AND beautiful, you don't have to choose a lane and fuck anyone who tells you otherwise."
13.
"My parents always tell me that I’m overweight, even though it’s like five pounds overweight — plus I have big boobs, so obviously I would weigh more. And for some reason they always catcall me about my ass."
14.
"My mom thought teaching us independence meant barely getting involved in our lives. She let us 'decide' for ourselves and never asked how we were doing as kids. I didn't have anyone to confide in because of this, so when someone told me bad things about myself I believed them. My confidence took a blow and now that I'm an adult, I don't know how to live with all the insecurities this brought me."
15.
"I was homeschooled and my mother pretty much stopped teaching us for almost a year, and then had us do almost nothing for another year. She blames me for being behind in school."
16.
"My parents always rushed in to try to fix things for me, and never let me deal with my own mistakes. It only really stopped in my late 20s when I moved to the other side of the country. This severely undermined my self-confidence and made it hard for me to develop the life skills that most people have by that age. Ironically, it made me afraid to ask for help."
17.
"I’d like to add, 'Finish everything on your plate' and 'You’re not leaving the table until you clear your plate.' I get it, they didn’t want to waste food, but that’s given me a really bad relationship with food and a little eating disorder, too. It took me DECADES to realize why I always over-ate."
18.
"My mom was a helicopter parent and I wasn’t allowed to do anything outside of school, so when I got to college I went absolutely crazy. I went to every party and tried a bunch of not so good things. It totally derailed me for a year, because I was just so happy to not be at home. Thankfully, I got myself back on track. Being so possessive over your kids does not help anyone and it sure as hell doesn’t keep them safe, or prepare them for life after they move out."
19.
"Not believing your kids when they come to you for help. All year, I was being bullied by my English teacher, and my parents refused to help me because they didn’t think it was that bad. It got to the point where I had a panic attack and almost passed out."
Did they miss any? Let me know in the comments!
If you are concerned that a child is experiencing or may be in danger of abuse, you can call or text the National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-422-2253 (4.A.CHILD); service can be provided in over 140 languages.
The National Alliance on Mental Illness helpline is 1-888-950-6264 (NAMI) and provides information and referral services; GoodTherapy.org is an association of mental health professionals from more than 25 countries who support efforts to reduce harm in therapy.
The National Eating Disorders Association helpline is 1-800-931-2237; for 24/7 crisis support, text “NEDA” to 741741.
StopBullying.gov is an organization that provides resources to prevent harassment and bullying against children. Stomp Out Bullying offers a free and confidential chat line here.