It's Thanksgiving. The house smells like turkey, your family is together, and just as everyone gathers around the TV to watch the parade...
Your uncle asks if you've gotten a real job yet.
Your grandma wants to know if you've found Jesus.
And your great-aunt wonders if you've heard that President Obama (if that's his real name) is either an illegal immigrant or a hologram.
You know if you try to have a real discussion, you'll never make it to dessert. So you need another route.
1.Avoid them.
If they can't find you, they can't ask you your position on abortion.
2.Shock them.
If everyone's talking behind your back about how they saw it coming, they're not talking to you.
3.Confuse them.
Why, yes, Cousin Amy, I <i>do</i> believe anyone who eats a burger should be tried for murder, but let's not talk about it here, they wouldn't understand.
4.Sit at the kids table.
Their hot-button question will be "Do I look cute in this turkey hat?"
5.Make sure they're eating all the food, all the time.
Because if their mouths are full of food, there's less room for racist jokes.
6.Bring up puppies.
And the national dog show is on after the parade, so it's even topical.
7.Fake a minor injury.
There's just no way you can discuss the crisis in the Middle East while you're in pain.
8.Break into song.
Or it'll at least drown out the arguing.
9.Put on "Miracle on 34th Street."
If the heartwarming moments don't calm the conflict, you can at least insist there be quiet for movie.
10.Most importantly, make sure you have enough booze.
Because no matter how well you plan, sometimes your grandpa will corner you to tell you what's wrong with your generation.
And if you do get sucked into a rage-inducing debate, don't worry.
You can always work out your anger fighting over that microwave on black Friday.
