1. LISTEN UP, IN ORDER TO BE FORGOTTEN + FORGIVEN FOR YOUR HORRID SINS FOLLOW THESE DIRECTIONS.
2. First, form a prayer circle composed of people wearing white on a pier in Santa Monica.
3. Now, recite each prayer thrice daily.
7. NOW LEST WE FORGET GODTINA.
11. Then, just smoke a joint for your girl, Rihsus. That’s all she asks for.
14. To wrap things up, say a few words for Nicki Minaj. Lord knows she needs it.
- Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton sparred over ISIS, race in the US, and his unreleased taxes during the first debate 📢
- The Colombia government and FARC rebels have signed a historic peace deal, ending 52 years of armed conflict.
- And no, people aren't drilling headphone jacks into their new iPhone 7's 📱❌