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We Need To Talk About Brazil

If you listen, we will come.

Hey Brazil! How are you? I wanted to start by saying you're great. You rock! You're beautiful! You're totally killin' it! But that's not why I'm here. I'm here to say you have ZERO CHILL. Like you really have no chill at all. None.

From Instagram to Facebook to Twitter to YouTube. You're f*cking everywhere.

It's obvious. You know what I'm talking about. You know you have a problem.

It's a little four-word phrase that has taken over the internet.


And fine! We would love to come to Brazil! I wish I could press a button and be there!

Thing is, unfortunately, I can't just come to Brazil. You're mad far away.

And this has nothing to do with you as a country. It just has everything to do with "COME TO BRAZIL."


A skull playing a trumpet cannot come to Brazil.

Michael Jackson is dead. He cannot come to Brazil.

Mozart died hundreds of years ago. He too cannot come to Brazil.

All of this coming to Brazil has gone too far.

WILL YOU EVEN BE THERE when we come?!

This is a child with Halloween makeup and a Santa Claus hat. She probably cannot come to Brazil.

Mitt Romney was the Republican candidate for president in 2012. He probably cannot come to Brazil.

And you know what, I'm just gonna say it: I find it highly unlikely the "Hoedown throwdown" sisters will ever go there either.

Brazil, my friend, in conclusion, don't be confused or upset by this post.

We want to come to Brazil.

Until then...