Welcome to another completely unnecessary but incredibly important BuzzFeed post.
Once upon a time there were two gays, Matty Mather and his boyfriend, Dan, and they went to Thailand.
Like all good gays do, they brought a copy of the Gay Bible, Blackout, with them in the hope of converting some sad monkeys (who had somehow never heard this masterpiece).
The two set out on their mission.
And it worked.
Skinny, wig, we, the monkey probably thought.
"Break the Ice," "Get Naked," "Heaven on Earth"?! This feels ahead of its time. The Eagles definitely didn't deserve the No. 1 over this. Vanilla candles. Skinny as a needle. Cool. Very cool. Release "Rebellion," he definitely thought.
The monkey ran away.
It was at that moment, the monkey realized he was gay.
"Yep, I'm gay."
Then, I KID YOU NOT, the monkey literally had sex while clutching the copy of Blackout.
And in case you want the whole story from the source, I did some investigative research — aka DM'd Matty, and here's what he told me:
We knew the monkeys at Monkey Hill in Phuket steal things from you (sunglasses, hat) and then you have to give them food to get them back. So we thought it would be funny to see if they wanted a copy of the greatest album of all time. We packed Blackout with us for our trip and took it to Monkey Hill. One monkey took it and disappeared with it for ages. They're super smart so they know it's not food, but he was definitely very intrigued. They eventually gave it back!