back to top

26 True Facts About Guys With Ponytails

All of this is real and factual. Please take it seriously.

Posted on

1. Guys with ponytails are some of the most misunderstood members of our planetary population.

Dear balding guy with a ponytail, you just took mullet to a whole new level. #peaceluv&ponytails

Lauren Duncan@LaurenDuncan11Follow

Dear balding guy with a ponytail, you just took mullet to a whole new level. #peaceluv&ponytails

9:37 AM - 05 Mar 13ReplyRetweetFavorite

Advertisement

2. On a societal scale, you'll find them somewhere between white guys with dreads and neck beards.

What can you say about a guy with a ponytail that his ponytail already isn't saying about him

Michelle Wolf@michelleisawolfFollow

What can you say about a guy with a ponytail that his ponytail already isn't saying about him

12:39 PM - 09 Jun 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

3. Guys with ponytails have some defining characteristics. For example, most own exotic birds...

I met a guy with a ponytail who doesn't own any exotic birds and now my whole understanding of the world has just gone to shit.

Michael@Home_HalfwayFollow

I met a guy with a ponytail who doesn't own any exotic birds and now my whole understanding of the world has just gone to shit.

12:32 PM - 04 Nov 13ReplyRetweetFavorite

4. ...some type of large spider...

It's Saturday night and I just saw a guy with a ponytail and tinted lenses. Somewhere, a tarantula is home alone

Haley Gray@imHaleyGrayFollow

It's Saturday night and I just saw a guy with a ponytail and tinted lenses. Somewhere, a tarantula is home alone

3:17 AM - 29 Oct 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

5. ...ferret...

Surely, there must be some research available showing the correlation between being a skinny dude with a ponytail and owning a ferret.

Ahm Dead!@Ahm76Follow

Surely, there must be some research available showing the correlation between being a skinny dude with a ponytail and owning a ferret.

5:06 PM - 22 Apr 11ReplyRetweetFavorite

Advertisement

6. ...or a pet iguana.

A guy with a ponytail is a national sign for "I have a pet iguana."

Randy Magnum@GrantLanzaFollow

A guy with a ponytail is a national sign for "I have a pet iguana."

11:06 AM - 12 Feb 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

7. Their most common places of employment is the stereo department at Best Buy...

I just want to be a bisexual guy with a ponytail who works at Best Buy and knows everything about home stereos

cyfy@DaqueougexFollow

I just want to be a bisexual guy with a ponytail who works at Best Buy and knows everything about home stereos

3:53 PM - 02 Aug 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

8. ...in a wedding band...

"Come sit next to some strangers and listen to Black Eyed Peas hits sung by a guy with a ponytail. Then cut us a check for $125." - weddings

Justin Shanes@justinshanesFollow

"Come sit next to some strangers and listen to Black Eyed Peas hits sung by a guy with a ponytail. Then cut us a check for $125." - weddings

6:14 PM - 24 Aug 12ReplyRetweetFavorite

9. ...or on an organic farm.

If you're a white dude with a ponytail and you're not in a metal band or work on an organic farm what the hell are you doing?

Rich@DeLorean4saleFollow

If you're a white dude with a ponytail and you're not in a metal band or work on an organic farm what the hell are you doing?

2:50 PM - 23 Mar 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

Advertisement

10. You'll probably also find them doing a bit of karate in front of a mirror.

Nothing says "I practice karate in the mirror" like a guy with a ponytail and Zumba pants.

ferg@hobo_handsFollow

Nothing says "I practice karate in the mirror" like a guy with a ponytail and Zumba pants.

3:45 PM - 11 Jan 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

11. Most know magic...

Every dude with a ponytail knows at least one really killer magic trick.

brother berg@bergifiedFollow

Every dude with a ponytail knows at least one really killer magic trick.

8:51 PM - 29 Jun 13ReplyRetweetFavorite

12. ...have a lot to say...

No one's got more opinions than a guy with a ponytail.

Andrew Hibbard@andrewhibbardFollow

No one's got more opinions than a guy with a ponytail.

7:21 PM - 19 Oct 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

13. ...wear "ironic" shirts...

Guy with a ponytail and a huge smile gives me a nod as he walks past. The back of his shirt: "Seitan Worshipper." #LA

Alex Naidus@hotdoorknobsFollow

Guy with a ponytail and a huge smile gives me a nod as he walks past. The back of his shirt: "Seitan Worshipper." #LA

1:55 PM - 27 Sep 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

14. ...and sometimes, though rarely, they even wear suits.

Whenever I see a guy with a ponytail wearing a suit, I think, "This must be what it's like to see a jackalope."

A.S. Paul@aspaulFollow

Whenever I see a guy with a ponytail wearing a suit, I think, "This must be what it's like to see a jackalope."

2:36 PM - 24 May 11ReplyRetweetFavorite

Advertisement

15. But beware, not everyone is "pro-pony." Not everything about them is positive.

If you're a guy with a ponytail, just know that every one of your male friends has thought about cutting it off you at some point.

Kevin Haunts Stuff@kevindividualFollow

If you're a guy with a ponytail, just know that every one of your male friends has thought about cutting it off you at some point.

11:24 AM - 11 Sep 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

16. They loiter near Starbucks milk stations...

Dear Fat Guy With a Ponytail at Starbucks Shoving Splendas in His Pocket, I love you. Best, Molly

Molly McAleer@mollsFollow

Dear Fat Guy With a Ponytail at Starbucks Shoving Splendas in His Pocket, I love you. Best, Molly

12:59 PM - 19 Dec 13ReplyRetweetFavorite

17. ...and in rare cases, they hiss.

Some dude with a ponytail and a kilt just hissed at me #SXSW

bim jub@bub__bubFollow

Some dude with a ponytail and a kilt just hissed at me #SXSW

11:13 PM - 12 Mar 13ReplyRetweetFavorite

18. It's actually well-documented how to make them cry.

The best ways to make a guy with a ponytail cry: 1) Pull his hair 2) Tell him The Beatles are overrated.

Camden's finest@anbrll00Follow

The best ways to make a guy with a ponytail cry: 1) Pull his hair 2) Tell him The Beatles are overrated.

1:31 PM - 24 Mar 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

Advertisement

19. So just be careful around them, OK? If you respect them, they will respect you.

the bus just had to pull over because the guy with a ponytail and guitar actually just lit a joint

Walker Nisi@walkernisiFollow

the bus just had to pull over because the guy with a ponytail and guitar actually just lit a joint

8:45 PM - 17 Oct 13ReplyRetweetFavorite

20. I digress. In the end, it all boils down to their cool.

This dude with a ponytail was single strappin it with his backpack before, can you say epitome of coolness?

Jack Matthew@Simple_Jack43Follow

This dude with a ponytail was single strappin it with his backpack before, can you say epitome of coolness?

9:57 AM - 24 Oct 12ReplyRetweetFavorite

21. They are some of the most inventive people in the world. This man wrapped his pony in a studded leather sleeve.

Leaving Walgreens, when I see this old guy with a ponytail, that has a leather case...

Hayden Black@HaydenBlack3Follow

Leaving Walgreens, when I see this old guy with a ponytail, that has a leather case...

5:07 PM - 22 Mar 13ReplyRetweetFavorite

22. This man accessorized his pony with cat ears.

This is a dude with a ponytail and kitty ears. Austin is weird.

Dan York@DanYorkRadioFollow

This is a dude with a ponytail and kitty ears. Austin is weird.

7:43 PM - 16 May 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

23. And this guy still uses a Sidekick. How about that?

Do they still make Sidekicks™ anymore? Because this guy with a ponytail has one and I feel like it’s maybe 2004.

racheliscool@rachelkleistFollow

Do they still make Sidekicks anymore? Because this guy with a ponytail has one and I feel like its maybe 2004.

10:24 PM - 11 Aug 13ReplyRetweetFavorite

24. I mean, the OG man with a ponytail was Jesus, after all!

I'm the only dude with a ponytail you should listen to. No exceptions.

Jesus Christ@Jesus_M_ChristFollow

I'm the only dude with a ponytail you should listen to. No exceptions.

4:30 PM - 26 Mar 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

25. So keep on shining bright, pony men.

My day is always better after seeing a guy with a ponytail.

Fortune Feimster@fortunefunnyFollow

My day is always better after seeing a guy with a ponytail.

9:22 PM - 18 Mar 13ReplyRetweetFavorite

26. You're an inspiration to us all.

I don't want to be a guy with a ponytail but I want to have the guy with a ponytail confidence.

Jared Freid@jtrain56Follow

I don't want to be a guy with a ponytail but I want to have the guy with a ponytail confidence.

7:06 PM - 26 Oct 13ReplyRetweetFavorite

Promoted