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69 Things You Need To Know About The Gathering Of The Juggalos

We went to the 2013 Gathering of the Juggalos and are here to tell you everything you need to know. Whoop whoop!

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65. Juggalos like to attach balloons to themselves. Attach one to yourself if you don't want to get lost.

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61. There is a man who hangs from the skin of his back and swings back and forth with Faygo bottles attached to him.

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46. Murdersota is a great name for Minnesota.

Be creative with your state name. "Wicked Wisco" is another memorable state name, and Wisconsin is very well represented at the Gathering.

32. If you're going to shower (most Juggalos do), use the ones on top of the hill. The trailer showers are busier and, you know, in trailers.

But don't die on the drug bridge, otherwise you'll ruin it for everyone.

The two trucks in this picture are blocking the infamous drug bridge. The drug bridge is where people can easily sell and buy drugs. All drugs. Everything including oxy, coke, ketamine, marijuana, acid, molly. You name it, they got it!

28. Get the stoner bowl.

The stoner bowl is one of the few good food options at the Gathering. The stoner bowl contains chili, chicken, peppers & onions, French fries, and nacho cheese.

24. If it's your birthday, wear a sign that asks for things.

Juggalos are nice people. They will give you free drugs or free sex if you ask for it, especially if it's your birthday.

22. Paint your child's face.

There were a bunch of families at the Gathering this year. Swim in Hepatitis Lake or take them on carnival rides. Just please keep them away from the drug bridge.

20. Big Silva is a giant duct-tape ball. If you like watching things like toilets and computers being destroyed, then you should check that out.

5. Avoid the love trains...unless you want to be covered in Faygo or flour or some other mysterious substance.

Love trains, which are school buses that go around the Gathering, are unpredictable. You can get on and off of them throughout the grounds. Just be careful. People tend to throw mad shit off of them.

1. Watch the fireworks after ICP performs.

And reflect on your weekend because one thing is for certain: You'll never ever see any place as ridiculous, scary, strange, and outrageously fun like the Gathering.

All photos by Matt.

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