The 30 Most Insane Things For Sale In SkyMall

I WANT IT ALL AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY.

Posted on July 10, 2013, 16:10 GMT

Matt Stopera

BuzzFeed Staff

30. A portrait of your pet as 17th century nobility

29. This UpRight Sleeper that definitely won't kill you

28. Chill dog collars

27. The infamous SkyRest

26. Lips for your dog

25. A machine that makes you grow hair

24. This truly one of a kind shirt

23. A life-size hanging jungle monkey statue

22. A drunk cat lithograph

21. Sperm shoes

20. A mounted squirrel head

19. This head massager

18. This baby choker

17. A Bob shirt

16. A rearview bike camera

15. A monkey puppet that will hug your finger

14. A cat toilet

13. A giant fake rock

12. A plaque that encourages the eating of your grandmother

11. Alfred Lloyd's new album

10. This squirrel shirt

9. A personal massager that definitely isn't a dildo

8. A motorized unicycle

7. A bed bug cocoon

6. "Turn a napkin or dish towel into wearable protection"

5. A birdhouse disguised as a ultrasonic barking dog deterrent

4. This totally practical umbrella holder

3. A Jewish star Christmas tree topper

2. A magic wand remote control

Because seriously this is awesome.

1. A glass that holds a full bottle of wine

BONUS: Did you know the president of SkyMall's name is Christine Aguilera?

THE MORE YOU KNOW.