We asked the BuzzFeed Community to tell us their craziest sharting stories. Here are the horrifying + shitty results. Never trust a fart!
1. The Tae Kwon Do tournament turd:
"When I was about 9 or 10 I was on my way to a Tae Kwon Do tournament. If you’re not familiar with the garb, the uniforms are all white. Anyway, as I was getting out of my parents' car, I tried to force one out because I just thought it was my nerves…nooooooooo! During the tournament, a lady came up and asked me, 'Did you sit in coffee, young man?'"
2. The swim team shitshow:
"It was high school swim season and I was all about getting my fitness on. After dinner, I set up a yoga mat on the floor and started to do some abs. My little brother came over to me and attempted to fart by my face. My reaction time was fast and I pushed him away with my foot. Apparently, my push was a little too forceful and he looked at me with bug eyes. Cheeks clenched, and a waddle in his step; he said, 'I think I may have sharted.' Definition of uncontrollable laughter."
3. The pre-interview fecal fiasco:
"I was on my way to an interview and my tummy was grumbling something fierce. I thought a fart would help. It turned out to be a shart and I had to find the nearest bathroom, ditch the panties, then act cool for the interview. Got the job though…"
4. The Black Friday dookie debacle:
"It was the day after Thanksgiving on Black Friday and I had just started working at a shoe store. I was about 15 minutes into my shift and felt like I was going to puke, so I excused myself into our private back bathroom where I started to throw up. As food from the night before came back up, I shat myself in my new jeans. Not just a little, a lot. I threw away my underwear, cleaned myself off, and went back to work where I proceeded to smell of shit for two hours until I asked my manager to go home."
5. The Home Depot dumpette:
"When I was 10 my parents took me to Home Depot right after lunch. I had some spicy enchiladas and my stomach was beginning to get a little testy. I let out what I thought was a harmless fart only to feel some squishy liquids seeping out of my shorts. I quickly ran to the bathroom where my mom put my poopy underwear in her purse and made me new panties out of hardware store toilet paper. We continued to walk around the lighting aisle for an hour."
6. The Thanksgiving convenience store shitaster:
"Thanksgiving 2013. New York City. I was three blocks from my hotel and we had just finished Thanksgiving dinner. My brother and I stopped in a Duane Reade to get some snacks before we went back to the hotel to watch a movie. Anyways, all of a sudden I thought I had to fart… It wasn’t a fart. Next thing I know I have poo running down my legs in the middle of a very crowded store. Oh, and to make matters worse, I was in a dress, tights, and heels. It was the worst moment of my life and my family and friends still don’t let me live it down."
7. The skiing steamer:
"I was training for a half pipe competition that was later that weekend so my coach and I were out all day skiing. During the run I came up a little short on my landing and landed on my butt on the top of the half pipe. I thought the impact made me fart and while I was skiing down I started smelling something funky. I was wearing a one-piece long underwear underneath my ski clothes so it was a chimney effect from the smell. I got down to the bottom and went to the bathroom. I had shit myself from the impact."
8. The brown bubbles:
"My story is actually about my sister. She was 3 at the time and my mom was driving me to school. My mom said to me, 'Chloe, does something stink like poop to you?' And I said, 'Yeah, it does.' Then my poor little sister in the most childish voice ever goes, 'Mommy, I farted and it bubbled.' My mom and I laughed so hard and had to take her to get new underwear at the store."
9. The rocky rectal road:
"I was working at an organic creamery shop and was always scheduled to work alone. One day after eating three scoops, my stomach began making weird noises and I began to pass some pretty smelly gas. I was organizing some merchandise by the register and since I was alone I let one rip. This wasn’t a fart, this was a full-on shart. I immediately felt the mush between my butt cheeks and panties. I freaked out because immediately customers began to come in. I served a family and a few other customers while I waited 30 minutes for my mom to bring me a fresh set of panties and jeans. I mopped the serving area so the shop would smell like Pine-Sol and mask my poop smell."
10. The fart that fooled him:
"I sharted at work one time. Like any normal person, I started freaking out and thinking about what to do next. My boss and I get along well, and I am not easily embarrassed, so I told him I had to run home and change. Of course he asked why. I nonchalantly told him, 'I just sharted.' I then ran out of the door in my poop pants before he had the chance to respond. When I got back to the office, he had sent an email to the entire company saying, 'Drew had to run home because he had a fart that fooled him.'"
11. The white carpet clinker:
"I was at a new friend’s house and had to poop really badly. I excuse myself to go upstairs to the more private bathroom. I was on the toilet ready to do my thing when I realized the toilet paper was out and I figured it was in a drawer under the sink. As I was going for the roll I let out a 'fart' and ended up shitting a watery mess all over the white rug floor. We had to call my friend's DAD from the yard and find the right supplies to clean it up. We actually became good friends after and her dad brings it up every time I use the bathroom at his house."
12. The casino crapola:
"I was in Vegas with some family and we had milkshakes. I was in the casino later and felt the urge to fart. There wasn’t anyone around me at the time so I thought I’d let one out. BIG MISTAKE! As soon as I farted, I could literally feel my underwear filling up. Vegas casinos are huge so to get back to the room was another a few minutes. So, I clenched my buttcheeks and made my way to elevators which were empty, thank God. I got to the room and went into the shower where everything just came out right there in the shower."
13. The fart kid's demise:
"There was this kid in my class in elementary school who was full of energy with a weird sense of humor. One day he farted in class and everyone started laughing. After that, he felt like a comedian and started farting on purpose in every lesson. It was funny the first time, but the farting got old because of the smell. One day, the kid did a big loud fart during computer lessons. He stood up and ran to the toilets. Later we found out he sharted himself and the other teachers had to help him clean his pants. He was crying on the toilets and there was even poop on the floor in the hallway. Karma is a bitch."
14. The "my friend's dad was playing the piano before church so I thought I could let one go":
"The morning after a sleepover, me and my friend were getting ready for Sunday school. While my friend was upstairs, I was in the same room as her dad who was playing the piano. I felt my stomach drop and figured it would be okay to let one go because the sound of the music would mask the sound. I was right about that, but I didn’t figure I would shart in the process. I darted into my friend's room and begged her to play a quick game of dress-up so I could get out of my shitty britches. I stuck my underwear in my coat pocket and threw them away as soon as I got to church. RIP Tweetie panties."
15. The FedEx surprise:
"I was wearing a cute little dress on a hot summer's day when I walked into a FedEx to fax something. The store was basically empty with all the workers back behind the counter. I let out what I thought would be a small toot but instead felt something dripping down my leg. Needless to say, I looked down and saw that I had sharted on their floor. I quickly looked around for their bathroom, cleaned myself up, and booked it outta there. I can only imagine their thoughts upon discovering my most embarrassing moment ever."
16. The poopy pool porch:
"Senior year of college one of my friends and I went back to her apartment after leaving a pool. I took off my wet bikini bottoms and just had a cover-up dress on. We were chilling on her porch. I went to let out what I thought was a fart and felt my ass basically explode. She looks at me and goes, 'Dude, are you shitting?!' Apparently I had a confused/horrified look on my face as full-blown ‘rrhea was sliding down my legs and onto her porch. We both started cracking up and, being a great friend, she grabbed a bucket and filled it with water to dump onto her porch and me."
17. The quarter cup of poo:
"It was my freshman year of university and I had just sat down for a final. Right as the tests were being passed out, my stomach turned on me and gave me anxiety-driven diarrhea. I could feel it in my bones. I manually clenched my butthole but about an hour and a half into the test, I tried to let out a little gas and released approximately a quarter cup of liquid poo. I was nowhere near finished with the exam so I sat for the remainder of the time crying and furiously writing. When my time was up I ran to the bathroom, threw away my panties, and walked home. I made an A on the test, though."
18. The little orphan Annie:
"A couple of summers ago, I was performing as an orphan in the musical Annie. One day, I had a terrible stomach ache, and it seemed like the kind that could be relieved by passing some gas or pooping. I tried both with no success, and hoped the stomach ache would just go away on its own. A while later, I was onstage, and I felt a fart coming on. Thinking this was the magical fart that would cure my stomach ache, I let it out. I was incredibly wrong. It was not a fart. I sharted my pants. ONSTAGE. In front of 600 people. To make matters worse, it happened right before the song 'Never Fully Dressed Without a Smile,' which had a big dance break, so I had to dance onstage with shit in my pants. That was the last time I ever performed onstage."
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.