The other day, I had a revelation:
Woke up with a clear mind and a revelation: Chantaje >>>>>> Despacito.
After I tweeted out my revelation, I was rightfully dragged.
People were riled and I was getting reamed.
Sad.
Now, people, I understand. I am a dumb white person who ages like sour cream. I am obviously behind on the the times and worthy of this dragging...but oftentimes Americans need reeducation.
You see, while North America is jizzing themselves for "Despacito," a better song is just in the shadows that was a HUGE HIT just about everywhere else. That song is called "Chantaje" and it is fucking awesome.
View this video on YouTube
Also, before we get problematic, I understand that there is room for many, many Spanish songs in the US — I'm just picking this example because I really, really, REALLY love "Chantaje."
Now, here's why...
First of all, the song is by the queen of small and humble breasts, Shakira.
Secondly, we all know that the that the *new* "Despacito" features Justin Bieber...
...but why listen to JB when you can listen to "Chantaje," which features Maluma?
I mean, holy tits!
The music video also has Shakira making me question my homosexuality.
But then Maluma comes back in and it's like..
...never mind, gay again.
There are also baby-sounding voices throughout the song, which is, needless to say, very catchy.
Shakira does a boob pop. I'm here for it.
And she even walks a damn pig!
The song is honestly just amazing and I want everyone in the US to know about it and I want it to go No. 1 and I want Maluma to be my husband.
End of story and thank you for your time. #SupportChantaje