1.
Me: hi Person on the keto diet: The keto diet is the best way to eat because once your body is in ketosis you won’t even want food anymore my body is literally running on sour cream and air I’ve lost 75 lbs and will definitely not gain it all back when I eat a carb in a year
2.
My new meal plan is a hybrid of Vegan and Keto. I call it the Veto diet. Basically I deny myself any foods that make me happy. And I can drink only water or tears.
4.
I lost 800 pounds (7 friends) since i started the keto diet
6.
mario is on the keto diet and can’t have any spaghetti. he is dying
7.
PRO TIP: Every great Keto diet starts with appetizers. Appetizers fuel your brain which in turn fuels your mouth to let you tell everyone you’re doing Keto. #KetoLife https://t.co/89UcOOlycg
8.
people joke about vegans being annoying but you know whos a million times worse? keto people. like im sure it helps people but if one more joyless food-scrooge tells me that carbs are poison im going to wallpaper my body with white bread
10.
Me: *eating bacon and eggs for breakfast* Person on keto diet: that's the best diet you'll ever have because it's keto and since I've entered into ketosis my body is fat adap... Me: STFU KYLE NO ONE CARES
16.
Meeting people in LA : Me- hi nice to meet you what’s your name? Person- OMG I LOVE THE KETO DIET SO MUCH BACON BACON BACON
17.
me: person on keto: I’m on keto! 🥦 I’m talking ke👏to👏gen👏ic👏. NO 🚫carbs🍝🙅♂️🍞, NO sweets🍭🚫🍬😞, 🔥NO GODS🔥, All gainz 💪💪💪😜🏃♀️! It’s really not 😂 that hard!!! Last night😴 I shoved an entire bag of Stevia🍃 up my ass 😳🙊 😂😂😂
20.
Welcome to your 30's. A cauliflower substitute has replaced all the carbs you love and the only joy you get is watching shows about murder.
21.
when one person starts the keto diet and has to tell everyone they encounter.
22.
Me: *opens door* Jehovah's Witness: Can I talk to you about the lord? Me: Can I talk to you about my new keto diet? Jehova's Witness: Can we just pretend like I never knocked? Me: sure
23.
A guy in my office is shaking his protein shake and this woman poked her head around the corner and said “do I hear margaritasssss?”... no Janet, it’s 10 am.