Dec 19, 2014

    In Defense Of People Who Like Dick Pics

    A brief rebuttal.

    So, I was moseying my way around the internet. I was clicking links. I was seeing what's up. I was catching up on the here and now. You know me, I was having an actual gay ole time!

    Getty Images/iStockphoto simazoran

    Then, all of a sudden, I came across something so egregiously offensive that I had to respond.

    Getty Images/iStockphoto Paula Connelly

    It. Was. This.

    GARGOYLES. PSYCHICS. EVERYTHING'S UNGODLY.

    In Jesus' name I pray, dick pics matter!

    Seeing a dick pic is like seeing someone's soul except it's a picture of their dick.

    It's necessary.

    It's important.

    It's really fucking fun.

    Dicks, in general, are cool because they're like snowflakes. Every one of them is unique.

    Getty Images/iStockphoto McIninch

    No two dicks are the same.

    So don't cyberbully me for liking them!!!!

    Getty Images/Hemera Cathy Yeulet

    Now, for the next issue on the agenda.

    I am SICK OF PENIS SHAMING.

    Getty Images/iStockphoto gpointstudio

    It's 2014, people! When are we going to stop body-shaming penises?!

    All penises are real. All penises are beautiful.

    That's actually not quite true but YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

    I AM RAMBLING.

    BASICALLY, if you don't like the dick, then quit the goddamn team.

    Getty Images/iStockphoto QShot

    In other words, if you can't take the heat (dick pic) then get out of the kitchen (my life)!

    Thinkstock

    Let's unite.

    Getty Images/moodboard RF moodboard

    We are dick pic warriors.