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In Defense Of People Who Like Dick Pics

A brief rebuttal.

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So, I was moseying my way around the internet. I was clicking links. I was seeing what's up. I was catching up on the here and now. You know me, I was having an actual gay ole time!

Getty Images/iStockphoto simazoran

Then, all of a sudden, I came across something so egregiously offensive that I had to respond.

Getty Images/iStockphoto Paula Connelly

It. Was. This.

GARGOYLES. PSYCHICS. EVERYTHING'S UNGODLY.

In Jesus' name I pray, dick pics matter!

Seeing a dick pic is like seeing someone's soul except it's a picture of their dick.

It's necessary.

It's important.

It's really fucking fun.

Dicks, in general, are cool because they're like snowflakes. Every one of them is unique.

Getty Images/iStockphoto McIninch

No two dicks are the same.

So don't cyberbully me for liking them!!!!

Getty Images/Hemera Cathy Yeulet

Now, for the next issue on the agenda.

I am SICK OF PENIS SHAMING.

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It's 2014, people! When are we going to stop body-shaming penises?!

All penises are real. All penises are beautiful.

That's actually not quite true but YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

I AM RAMBLING.

BASICALLY, if you don't like the dick, then quit the goddamn team.

Getty Images/iStockphoto QShot

In other words, if you can't take the heat (dick pic) then get out of the kitchen (my life)!

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Let's unite.

Getty Images/moodboard RF moodboard

We are dick pic warriors.

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