1. Selfies for Mariah Carey:
She is surrounded by people on a literal throne with a half naked man carrying her around. 💅🏼
Selfies for people who are not Mariah Carey:
Sad, dirty bathroom. Sunglasses from the '90s. Kind of blurry. Creepy.
2. Grocery shopping for Mariah Carey:
Tits out, a car full of food, and a random woman surprising her with flowers and cakes (?). Amazing.
Grocery shopping for people who are not Mariah Carey:
Bad lighting, long lines, and a lot of general anger. Bad vibes.
3. Picking out produce for Mariah Carey:
Again, boobs out. Casual. Iconic.
Picking out produce for people who are not Mariah Carey:
Not exciting. Fruit looks kinda bad. No tits.
4. Mariah Carey interacting with her fans:
Everyone is screaming. A mob. Legendary.
Interacting with your fans for people who are not Mariah Carey:
Forced and unhappy. That cat does not want to be there.
5. Talking on the phone for Mariah Carey:
Great lighting, excellent angle, and giving 100% face. 💅🏼
Talking on the phone for people who are not Mariah Carey:
CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?!
6. Cooking for Mariah Carey:
She's cooking a sauce in a gown. A gown.
Cooking for people who are not Mariah Carey:
A mess. The cat is eating the sauce.
7. How Mariah Carey deals with a broken arm:
Bedazzled and rich.
How people who are not Mariah Carey deal with broken arms:
Cheap and poor.
8. Mariah Carey taking a bath:
She is wearing jewels.
Taking a bath for people who are not Mariah Carey:
Yeah, there are no jewels. Normal people don't bathe in jewels.
9. Beach time for Mariah Carey:
She is wearing a jumpsuit and throwing sand like it's f*cking snow.
Beach time for people who are not Mariah Carey:
Waves and sand. Just waves and sand.
10. Mariah Carey cooking pizza:
She's wearing a silk nightgown and what appears to be kitten heels.
People who are not Mariah Carey cooking pizza:
Frozen and barely edible.
11. Mariah Carey having a candid, but glam moment to herself:
Being spit on by a lion during magic hour while pretending to listen to something. 💅🏼
People who are not Mariah Carey having a candid, but glam moment:
He's in a kiddie pool.
12. Walking the dog for Mariah Carey:
It's winter and she's wearing a bikini in the snow. Okay.
Walking the dog for people who are not Mariah Carey:
Not glam. Kind of lonely. The dogs are even sad.
13. Taking a winter Instagram with Mariah Carey:
Festive AND flawless.
Taking a winter Instagram for people who are not Mariah Carey:
Dirty snow AND it's basically all melted away.
14. Disneyland for Mariah Carey:
I find it highly unlikely she waited in line. Also boobs.
Disneyland for people who are not Mariah Carey:
Lines. Lines. Lines. And more Lines.
15. Mariah Carey in a hot tub:
She's wearing a gown. A gown.
16. People who are not Mariah Carey in a hot tub:
It's always crowded and there's always an annoying little kid.
17. Flying for Mariah Carey:
I cannot find a flaw and who is taking this picture?
Flying for people who are not Mariah Carey:
Literally just the worst. Stinky.
18. Mariah Carey holding a pie:
Just a lot happening here.
People who are not Mariah Carey holding pies:
Not so fabulous but that pie probably tastes mad good. Not gonna lie.
19. Mariah Carey riding the subway:
She is wearing a gown. A gown.
People who are not Mariah Carey riding on the subway:
Normal people don't cut their nails on the subway, but everyone has seen someone cut their nails on the subway before.
