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Here Is What You Need To Know About Tom Hiddleston And Calvin Harris

A list.

Posted on

We'll start with the basics.

Calvin Harris's real name is Adam Richard Wiles. He was born in Scotland. Calvin is 31 years old.

Frazer Harrison / Getty Images

Tom Hiddleston's real name is Thomas William Hiddleston. He was born in London, England. Tom is 35 years old.

Monica Schipper / Getty Images

Both probably call fries "chips."

Google says Tom Hiddleston is 6-foot-2.

Google says Calvin Harris is 6-foot-6.

Both are (abnormally) tall.

This is Calvin Harris' hairline:

Mike Coppola / Getty Images

This is Tom Hiddleston's hairline:

Larry Busacca / Getty Images

Both are natural blondes.

These are Calvin Harris' eyes:

They appear to be blue-green.
Mike Coppola / Getty Images

They appear to be blue-green.

These are Tom Hiddleston's eyes:

They appear to be blue.
Larry Busacca / Getty Images

They appear to be blue.

Both have nice eyebrows.

Calvin Harris's mother's name is Pamela.

Tom Hiddleston's mother's name is Diana Patricia.

I could not find any information about their maiden names.

Tom Hiddleston's penis' nickname is "Hiddleconda."

Robert Kamau / GC Images

Calvin Harris's penis does not have an official nickname, but if it did it could be "Calvin 'n' Knobs."


Both are packing.

Related: Calvin Harris wears a size 13 shoe.

Tom Hiddleston might be a size 11.

That's pretty good, though shoe size and dick size have no known correlation :*(

This is Tom Hiddleston during his awkward phase:

This is Calvin Harris during his awkward stage:

Getty Images

Both are proof that there is hope for everyone.

This is Calvin Harris wearing what appears to be a toupee:

Graham Denholm / Getty Images

This is Tom Hiddleston wearing what appears to be a toupee.

Carlos Alvarez / Getty Images

Bad haircuts happen to everyone.

Tom Hiddleston's favorite color is blue.

Frederick M. Brown / Getty Images

Calvin Harris forgot what his favorite color is.

Both spell "color" with a "u."

Tom Hiddleston wishes he were better at Spanish. He said in an interview, "I wish I were better at Spanish. I studied it at school."

Calvin Harris does not like soft cheese.

Both follow Samuel L. Jackson on Twitter.

This is a picture of Calvin Harris from February 2009:

Dave Hogan / Getty Images

This is a picture of Tom Hiddleston from February 2009:

Tim Whitby / Getty Images

Both wish those pictures were deleted.

LASTLY (and most importantly)...

This is Tom Hiddleston's right tit:

A few nipple hairs.
StudioCanal / Via

A few nipple hairs.

This is Calvin Harris' right tit:

No nipple hairs.
Via Instagram: @calvinharris

No nipple hairs.

Both have nice racks.

Now that you know these two fellows, TAKE THE DAMN POLL.

  1. Who would you rather?

    Via Getty Images
    Via Getty Images
    Via Getty Images
    Via Getty Images
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Who would you rather?
  1. Calvin
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  2. Tom
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